


hope it's gonna make you notice

by orphan_account



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Epilogue that is in the future so, Friends to Lovers, Future Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-26 16:05:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 27,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14405646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: In which Nursey is dating a colossal fucking douchebag and quite frankly, there's only so much Dex can take.





	1. while you live it up, I'm off to sleep

**Author's Note:**

> \---
> 
> 10/27/18 : Hello, if you're reading this and you remember when I disappeared the first time, I'm disappearing again, but this time I'm just orphaning the works instead of deleting, because even though I hate to see them and truly think they're just such embarrassing additions to the Internet, some of you like them, so. Anyway hopefully I come back again with another fic, I just hate everything right now! But thanks for all the support. Hopefully I'll see you all soon. 
> 
> \---
> 
> so I sat down with myself and I said self what if our best boy Derek started dating an asshole who made him feel like it was unchill to want time and affection so he started to perform chill even harder? What if this was occurring as Dex was trying to come to terms with his feelings for Nursey? What if you could see that I'm the one who understands you, been here all along so why can't you see-ee-ee? + a sweet sugary future fic epilogue.

It’s halfway through April and Dex is sitting on his bed as Nursey mills about the room, getting ready for his night out. Friday evening is always a strange kind of purgatory for Dex. He never quite knows what to do after he’s done working for the day, but he doesn’t need to get ready for any parties yet.

He decides to take the guitar out to get a feel for it again and see if he remembers anything useful. He goes over to his closet and brings it out, but he’s only able to sit back down on his bed and strum a single chord before Nursey interrupts him.

 

“So you’re just gonna whip out a guitar with no exposition or explanation at all?”

 

Dex looks up and sees Nursey staring at him from where he’s leaning on his desk, expectant. “My parents were cleaning out the attic over spring break, and my dad was going to get rid of his old guitar, so I had to bring it here to save it.”

 

Nursey nods, intrigued. “Do you still play?”

 

Dex shakes his head. “It’s been a long time.”

 

He tunes the guitar a bit and strums it a couple of times, trying to remember if he still has one of his old books somewhere in his room back home. Nursey pulls up a chair across from him and takes a seat, propping his chin up on his right hand. “What are the songs you learned?”

 

“Some of the Stones, some Kings of Leon, a little bit of the Who.”

 

Nursey smirks, ostensibly entertained by what Dex just said. “Incredibly on brand.”

 

“I feel like when you say I do something on brand it’s either a dig or the dig is coming up.”

 

“Bro, I think the whole White dudes playing guitars thing is super fucking tight, definitely not lame as hell or wack as shit or anything.”

 

“And there it is,” Dex declares. “You never disappoint.”

 

“So, when are you gonna play me a song? Will it be a serenade? A lullaby, mayhaps?”

 

“Let’s see,” Dex announces, as if he’s taking it under genuine consideration. “To answer the first part it’ll be never, so to answer your second question, it will be…neither.”

 

“Wow,” Nursey exclaims, pretending to be shocked and betrayed. “Am I really going to finish this whole first year as your roommate without any of the silky smooth stylings of Baritone Billy?”

 

“I’m frustrated with myself,” Dex decides aloud, “Because I don’t hate Baritone Billy as much as I absolutely should.”

 

“‘Cause it’s that perfect mix of corny and dope. It’s in that sweet spot so you can’t resist.”

 

Dex shakes his head and looks back down at his guitar, hoping he’s not too obvious about being charmed by Nursey. “You might be right.”

 

Dex allows himself a quick glance as Nursey goes back to getting ready, but he makes sure to keep his gaze from lingering. Out of his periphery, he sees Nursey double check his pockets, fix his shirt collar and take one last look in the mirror before heading to the door. Right before his hand turns the knob, he stops, presumably remembering something he forgot.

 

“Poindexter,” Nursey calls, to Dex’s surprise.

 

Dex looks up, suddenly nervous. “Yeah?”

 

“I just wanted to double check, like. Before I go. We’re cool, right? Like, everything is chill?”

 

No, Dex thinks, jealousy rising up harsh and bitter. Not even remotely.

 

“Yeah,” he lies. “Why do you ask?”

 

“I don’t know,” Nursey responds, looking down at his hands and fiddling with his keys. “I just. I know I’ve been spending a lot of time with Andrew lately and we haven’t really had like a…one on one d-man chill sesh in a while, you know?”

 

Dex’s evidently limitless jealousy expands, deepened and strengthened by a bleak, depressing realization. _He feels sorry for you_.

 

“Yeah, but that just happens when you start dating someone,” he shrugs, playing the role of supportive, unperturbed roommate. “It’s alright.”

 

Nursey looks at him sharp and discerning, clearly displeased by Dex’s response, brow furrowed by a still unresolved problem. “Do you want to go for a jog tomorrow?”

 

Dex’s eyebrows shoot up. “ _You’re_ gonna get up at 6:00 a.m. to join me for my morning run?”

 

“Hell nah ‘cause you O.D and I’m not with that crack of dawn nonsense,” Nursey responds, quick and assured. “ _You’re_ gonna wait for _me_ so we can go at a reasonable and humane hour.”

 

“Fine,” Dex yields, with a scoff. “Sounds good.”

 

Nursey grins, satisfied. “And then tomorrow night, we're gonna have the sickest time at Shitty's party.”

 

“Definitely,” Dex agrees, perking up at the reminder that he has an Andrew-free night with Nursey in Boston to look forward to.

 

“'Swawes,” Nursey nods. “Well, I’m off, Poindexter. Try to not to miss me too much.”

 

“Not sure how yet, but I think I’ll survive,” Dex quips.

 

Nursey smiles at him, gives a quick wave, and heads out the door. Dex takes the opportunity to reflect on why, when, and how he became so deeply and unresolvedly screwed.  

The why and how are fairly easy, so he gets them out of the way. After you realized you needed to get along in order to survive sharing a room, you started to listen more and argue less, and as you got closer, unfortunate feelings started to develop. 

In our defense, Dex thinks, Nursey is smart and funny and gorgeous with an actual fan club, so we never really had a chance.

The when of it all isn’t as clear and straightforward to figure out. Slowly, he thinks, starting when they got back from the summer and started junior year. Steadily, with every argument that was prevented by hard-fought patience and genuine attempts at understanding.

These days, it’s even more flared up and aggravated by the fact that he has to share Nursey with the world’s most annoying douchebag. He presumes Andrew could be seen as handsome if you’re into the whole blond and preppy trust fund baby thing, but either way, he wouldn’t mind being jealous that Andrew’s more attractive if he could only be less insufferable.

Whatever, he thinks to himself, going back to the guitar. You and Nursey would never happen anyway, so there’s no point in even thinking about it. He focuses on putting his fingers in the right spots, takes a moment to picture the chords, and keeps playing.

 

\----

 

Dex reasonably wakes Nursey up at nine a.m., undeterred despite Nursey’s grumblings. They get dressed and ready to go in near complete silence because Nursey wakes up in stages, and takes a little while to do so completely.

 

“Alright,” Nursey says, once they’re stretching on the sidewalk. “What’s your route?”

 

“On a weekend run, I usually take the long back way to Annie’s, and then I get some coffee and walk back to the Haus.”

 

“Nice,” Nursey nods, straightening up. “Let’s go.”

 

They start the jog off at a slow and steady pace, sprinting at different times, chatting along the way. Nursey teases Dex about his overly serious Running Face and chirps him for normally doing this even earlier in the morning. He’s a pest, but Dex is enjoying himself. 

When they get to Annie’s it’s pretty busy, but the line for the café isn’t that long.

 

“Could I have a large dark roast, no room,” Dex says, when they get to the register. “As well as a medium vanilla cinnanut latte, half-caf and extra hot, please?”

 

“Sure,” the cashier says. “What’s the name for the order?”

 

“Will,” Dex says, taking out a ten and handing it to her. When he looks back over at Nursey, he’s on the receiving end of a curious, perplexed look. He puts a dollar in the tip jar and goes to the end of the bar where everyone else is waiting.

 

“That was a pretty good guess for my drink, Poindexter.”

 

“Well- Well,” Dex stammers, realizing he doesn’t really have a good or normal reason for remembering Nursey’s coffee order perfectly. “Well, I mock you so much for your ridiculous drink, I guess by now I could order it on my own.”

 

“Whatever.”

 

“I don’t even understand how or why you drink these sugary barely-even-coffee drinks like you do.”

 

“It’s called living your best life, William. I understand being an anti is a full-time job, but maybe on your next day off you could try it.”

 

“I’ll stick to my actual coffee, thanks.”

 

“The gall it takes. The _nerve_ required to diss my tasty lattes when there is _no_ beverage that has more of a chaotic and dark-sided energy than black coffee with nothing in it.”

 

“What’s incredible about you is that you take the preposterousness to a point where it’s almost a skill,” Dex says, as they bring his coffee to the bar. “Like, you might actually have a gift.”

 

They get their drinks and sip them on their way back to the Haus, chatting about what Shitty’s last party was like and how messy and ridiculous the group chats get when something important is coming up. When they arrive, Ford is in the kitchen looking distressed.

 

“Dex,” she says, perking up at the sight of him. “The garbage disposal is acting up and I was wondering if you would mind taking a look at it?”

 

“Sure,” he agrees, throwing his coffee cup away. “Let me go get my toolbox.”

 

When he comes back downstairs, Ford is sitting at the kitchen table scrolling on her phone, and Nursey’s sat next to her. Dex sets the toolbox down in front of them and goes over to the sink, crouching down and opening up the cabinet underneath to take a better look.

 

“You want some help?”

 

Dex turns to look at Nursey, surprised because he has no idea how Nursey could possibly help him fix a garbage disposal, but he wants to laugh.

 

“Sure,” he answers, already entertained and curious to see what Nursey will do. “Could you hand me the pipe wrench?”

 

“For sure,” Nursey says, looking down at the toolbox, focused and determined. “Pipe wrench,” he mutters to himself, as he picks tools up and puts them down.

 

Dex lets him search for a little bit longer before he puts an end to the charade. “You know what, why don’t you just bring the whole toolbox over here?”

 

Nursey snaps his head up and narrows his eyes. “Don’t say it like that.”

 

Dex tries to fight the smirk that’s building, but there’s no way he’s succeeding. “Like what?”

 

“Like I’m slow or something,” Nursey retorts, “Just because I didn’t, like…come out of the womb with a screwdriver already in my hand like you did.”

 

“Ridiculous and incorrect,” Dex says, getting up and walking over to where Nursey has the toolbox. “They were pliers.”

 

Ford and Nursey laugh at that, with Nursey throwing his head back and practically howling as he claps his hands. For a few moments, Dex buzzes from being the one who made him laugh that hard. 

He gets down to business but it’s a simple jam, and he fixes it pretty quickly. When he’s finished, it’s actually working a little better than before because he cleared out some of the junk.

 

“You’re the best,” Ford says, hugging him.

 

“No problem, Foxtrot.”

 

“It really is so chill how you can just fix stuff,” Nursey says, and he should probably be worried by the rush he gets when Nursey gives him a compliment.

 

“Thanks.”

 

“So,” Ford starts, finishing her dishes now that the garbage disposal is working. “What time are you guys leaving for Shitty’s party?”

 

“I think Chowder said we’re leaving around 7, right Nurse?”

 

“Oh,” Nursey says, looking up from his phone. “Actually I’m gonna hang out with Andrew for a little bit before I go to the party, but I’ll definitely meet up with you guys in Boston.”

 

“Sounds good,” Dex lies, trying to simmer down by remembering he’ll still have most of the night. He packs up his tools, closes the toolbox up, and goes upstairs.

 

\----

 

Shitty has an incredibly cool apartment, spacious and modern but still homey, and with a gorgeous view. They have plenty of time before the party starts so they’re all just hanging out, talking, pregaming and listening to music. He’s having a great time, but he does feel like something’s missing.

 _He’ll be here later_ , Dex reminds himself, looking down at his phone.

The party starts getting into high gear at around 10, and the apartment is full of people. Shitty’s law school friends are intelligent and a lot of fun, so he has some interesting conversations.

He’s loose, laughing through a stupid argument with Chowder, drunk enough to even bop to the music a little. He checks his phone obsessively as the night goes on, hoping to get a text from Nursey and fighting the urge to send one.

 

“Who has got you lookin’ at your phone every ten seconds?”

 

Bitty’s right in front of him, hitting him with a shrewd, discerning look. “No one,” he lies, putting his phone away and forcing himself to be present, remembering with a tinge of grief that his time with Bitty is dwindling down. 

Despite the agitating absence, Dex keeps having a good time as the party goes on, and finds a cozy spot next to Chowder to crash on when everything dies down. The next day, they all get up at noon, thank Shitty profusely for everything, and head back to Samwell, hung-over but happy.

When Dex walks back into their room, Nursey is on his bottom bunk, reading.

 

“Hey,” Dex says.

 

“Sup,” Nursey replies, looking up from his book.

 

“So,” Dex starts, trying for casual. “Uh, did something happen to you last night?”

 

“Oh, um, nah. I just, uh. I kind of got into it with Andrew near the end of the night and afterwards I didn’t really feel like going anywhere.”

 

 _Of course_ , Dex thinks, already irked. Of course, Horrible Fucking Terrible Andrew ruined your night and kept you from having a good time with your friends, and it was probably over a shitty thing he did. Dex knows it’s not his business to ask what they got into an argument about, so he doesn’t.

 

“Well, it was a sick party. Jack showed up and the tadpoles looked like they were gonna cry.”

 

“Aw,” Nursey coos. “Just like you used to be about Jack.”

 

Dex narrows his eyes. “That’s inaccurate.”

 

“You’re right,” Nursey nods. “Just like you _are_ about Jack.”

 

“Shut up,” Dex says, but he’s smiling, and despite still being annoyed about Andrew getting in his way last night, it comforts him a bit to see Nursey smile too.

 

\---

 

The Spring C pregame at the Haus is an impressive event on its own, and preparations for it begin well in advance. He and Bitty bake a bunch of mini-pies that everyone will inhale, particularly after the drinking starts, and Dex tries to just enjoy it, without thinking about how much he’ll miss helping Bitty do his thing in the kitchen. 

The entire hockey team and their various intertwining social circles fill the Haus, and Dex feels like everyone he’s ever met is here, except for. Well, except for.

Nursey is with Andrew at Andrew’s fraternity doing Andrew’s fraternity’s Spring C pregame party and Dex isn’t thinking about it, Dex isn’t bothered by it, and Dex definitely doesn’t drink a couple more beermosas than he should to take his mind off of it.

They start in the morning so by noon, Dex is remarkably drunk, but he’s holding his own. A bunch of them head to the field because even though the concert is later, Spring C has a carnival during the day that’s actually pretty fun. When they reach the carnival, they start passing around a water bottle Whiskey filled with Jungle Juice and make a mess as they eat cotton candy and play games. There’s still a small, nagging sense of emptiness that hasn’t been fixed, but Dex is having fun. He is. He’s having fun.

At some point, he finds himself standing in an enormous line for a corn dog. He should definitely pace himself from this point on, but he still has a good amount of control over his facilities. Someone bumps into him, and when he turns to tell them to watch where they’re going, he finds that it’s Nursey.

 

“Hey,” Dex exclaims, overjoyed to see him.

 

“Hey,” Nursey responds, but he seems out of it.

 

“What’s up?”

 

“Um, nothing I’m just kind of. Walking around?”

 

“What do you mean,” Dex starts. “Where’s Andrew?”

 

“Yeah, I guess, um. I guess I thought we were doing Spring C together but it seems like he found some other people, or linked up with his frat brothers. I don’t know.”

 

Classic, Dex thinks, clenching his jaw. Andrew made it seem like they'd be hanging out all day only to act like he had something better to do and ditch Nursey at the last second. When he’s had a bit to drink, it’s even harder to get the anger under control so he takes a deep breath.

 

“You want to come back with me? There’s a bunch of us on the hill, and we’re having a pretty good time.”

 

“Chill,” Nursey says, perking up a bit. “Who’s there?”

 

“It’s me, Chowder, Farmer and some of the volleyball girls, Foxtrot and some of her theater friends, Ollie, Wicks, Whiskey, Tango, and Bitty.”

 

“Nice,” Nursey nods. “Which volleyball girls?”

 

“Jamila, Stephanie and Taylor.”

 

“Cool, you must be happy Taylor’s there.”

 

Dex turns his head. “Why would I be happy Taylor’s there?”

 

Nursey looks as lost as Dex probably does. “Don’t you like, have kind of a thing for her?”

 

“No,” Dex says, and he delivers it too strongly. “I mean she’s cool and she’s pretty, but she’s-”

 

Not you, his brain completes, as the words hurry forward and multiply. She’s not you, she’s not you, she’s not you.

 

“Not my type,” his mouth provides, blessedly.

 

Nursey regards him with a quirked eyebrow. “Interesting. What is your type, Poindexter?”

 

_Preppy New Yorkers with curly black hair, evidently. Clumsy hipsters with forest-green eyes, apparently. Hockey-playing poetry-writing pretty boys, as it would seem._

 

“I’m not sure. I just feel like she’s not it.”

 

“Hmm,” Nursey hums, miraculously not seeming to need to push the subject further.

 

They continue to wait in the longest line Dex has ever been in and catch each other up on the happenings of their days so far. After they finally get their corn dogs, they go back to the hill and everyone is thrilled to see Nursey. They sit back on the grass and Nursey is laid out next to him, laughing and gorgeous.

Nursey’s so close to him that he’d barely have to move his arm to take his hand, and Nursey would barely have to move his head to rest it in Dex’s lap, and Dex lets those daydreams breathe for a minute before packing them up and putting them away.

 

“Bet you’re excited for that DJ set,” Nursey starts, and Dex knows it’s a chirp. “Right, Chow?”

 

“So are you, Nursey,” Chowder retorts. “The only difference between you and me is that I’m _honest_ about liking fratty EDM and you’re not.”

 

“Sounds fake but aight, broski.”

 

“Well, there’s a video of you on my phone where you’re singing your heart out to that Chainsmokers song that would probably disagree, so.”

 

Nursey sits up a bit, vexed and very suddenly alert. “Wait, were you really recording?”

 

Chowder, Farmer and Dex end up in a pile, laughing hysterically and leaning on each other for support as Nursey’s concern visibly grows. “C, are you forreal?”

 

“Of course not, bro,” Chowder answers, in his jovial, affable way. Nursey narrows his eyes and lays back down, and Dex makes a note to remember to ask Chowder to send him that video.

Nursey, staying true to form, takes a nap on the grass as the festival continues around them. Dex tries not to be weird and stare at him too much while he’s sleeping, and thankfully there are various shenanigans that occur and bring his attention away.

When Nursey wakes up, he looks at Dex sleepy and soft, and Dex wants death to arrive soon and happen quickly.

 

“What’s good, Dexy? What did I miss while I was asleep?”

 

“This girl and her friends were next to us and she was wasted,” Dex starts to update him. “Making a mess trying to eat her ice cream cone, and her friends were trying to help her but she didn’t let them.”

 

“Yo, you already know your boy is hashtag Team Drunk Girl.”

 

“Also, one of the Quad Cats was in front of us napping and it was still for so long we thought it was dead, until it finally moved but only to roll around to its other side and go back to sleep.”

 

“A _lifestyle_. Wow, if that ain’t me.”

 

“Yeah, I was gonna say that cat is your spirit animal but then I remembered that’s not a thing anymore.”

 

“And it touches the depths of my heart to see how far you’ve come,” Nursey announces into the air, loud and insincere. “I’m proud of _you_ for that _growth_.”

 

“First of all, shut up,” Dex says, and Nursey chuckles. “Second of all, if I were you right now I would say that thing you say when people are being excessive.”

 

“Which one,” Nursey asks, turning back to him. “Being extra, doing the most or O.Ding?”

 

“Yes,” Dex nods, and Nursey’s chuckles distinctly develop into laughter. “The answer is yes.”

 

The rest of the day unfolds in a similar way with Nursey right by his side on the grass then in the crowd when the show starts, and the biggest gifts of Spring C are the moments it gives him where he can look at Nursey, stand close to Nursey, and pretend.

 

\---

 

It’s a Saturday evening at the beginning of May, and Dex is frustrated because the coffee table is lopsided. He supposes he could sand it down, but he’d have to be careful not to create an even bigger slant, and make it even more uneven than it already is. The table stands in front of him, staring him down defiantly, and Dex stares right back.

 

“Dex?”

 

He turns his head as Nursey walks into the studio, confusion painting every feature. “What are you doing in the art building?”

 

“Some of the studios are open to non-art students and you can just sign up to use them,” Dex explains with a shrug. “I needed the carpentry stuff to finish this coffee table I’ve been working on forever.”

 

Nursey watches him for a moment, eyes going back and forth between Dex and the table. “You’re like…a sculptor or something.”

 

“Um, no.”

 

“Well, you’re an artist,” Nursey continues, undeterred.

 

“I enjoy carpentry as a hobby,” Dex insists, “But I’m definitely not an artist.”

 

Nursey crouches down and runs his hand over the top of the table before coming around to the edges. “This is just the _cleanest_ detailing,” Nursey says, tracing over the corners of the coffee table. “Poindexter, you _really_ didn’t have to go this hard.”

 

The rush returns and Dex looks down at his hands, hoping his skin doesn’t flush. “Thanks.”

 

“Are you bringing it back to the Haus?”

 

“Tomorrow, yeah. I have to find somewhere to put it for the summer, and I’m thinking the basement.”

 

“Do you want some help carrying it?”

 

“I'm borrowing a cart so I think I'll be good but thanks, Nurse.”

 

Nursey’s still focused on the coffee table, and Dex becomes curious as he stands back up. “What are you doing here, anyway?”

 

“I was just chillin’ with some of the art friends I made through Lardo,” Nursey responds. “But I’m actually on my way out.”

 

“Where you headed?”

 

“I’m gonna meet Andrew at his apartment,” Nursey says, and Dex controls his face very carefully. “Then we’re gonna go out somewhere.”

 

“Cool,” Dex grits, barely because his teeth are practically locked together. “Have fun.”

 

After Nursey leaves, Dex does some more staring at the table, but he eventually accepts that he’s probably not going to get any more work done before he brings it to the Haus tomorrow, so he wraps it up and puts it back in the carpentry storage.

When he returns to the Haus, he scrolls for a few minutes to see if he should do something since it’s one of their last days before finals get real. He’s probably on his laptop for five minutes before Nursey walks in.

 

“Hey,” Dex says. “You stopping here to get ready before you head out?”

 

“Uh, no I, uh. I don’t think that’s happening anymore tonight.”

 

Dex turns his head away from his laptop and regards Nursey carefully. “Did something happen?”

 

“Well, I went to his apartment and he wasn’t there.”

 

“Didn’t he tell you to meet him there?”

 

“Yeah, I guess. I guess he forgot or had something else going on.”

 

Dex comes to the realization that he should have said something a long time ago, but late is better than never, and he might actually strangle Andrew if this continues in their senior year.

 

“Okay,” Dex starts, readying himself for whatever argument this might create. “You need to break it off with this guy. He’s awful and a complete fucking flake.”

 

Nursey does look a bit surprised as Dex’s frankness, but he recovers quickly. “It’s complicated.”

 

“No it’s not,” Dex pushes, “And I’m not just gonna sit by and keep letting you date a complete douchebag.”

 

That must hit a nerve because Nursey’s face becomes angry, and his voice is harsh when he speaks. “Letting me?”

 

“Well, I just mean-”

 

“Poindexter, how is this your business at all? What does any of this have to do with you?”

 

“Nothing,” Dex admits, simply and truthfully. “You’re right that it’s not my business, but I’m not exactly having a great _fucking_ time watching my best friend get treated like shit.”

 

Nursey looks up towards the ceiling as he takes a deep breath, and Dex can see the defensiveness recede. “The thing is, it’s more of a casual thing. He’s not like, my boyfriend or anything.”

 

“Boyfriend or not, this is a dick move.”

 

“It’s not that deep, dude,” Nursey says, firmly holding the mask of chill in place. “I’m just gonna kick it here.”

 

Dex stares at him for a moment and thinks that maybe he should leave Nursey alone, but his instincts tell him otherwise, and he needs to start listening to them more.

 

“No,” Dex decides aloud. “We’re going out.”

 

Nursey looks at him with a quirked eyebrow, waiting.

 

“We’re going to that bar you like with the poetry and stuff,” he continues. “The artsy one.”

 

Nursey takes a moment to figure out what Dex is talking about. “The Luna Lounge?”

 

“Right,” Dex confirms. “Just give me a minute to get ready.”

 

“You don’t have to-”

 

“I want to,” Dex cuts off, voice firm and unwavering. “Okay? I want to.”

 

Nursey looks at him from across the room with a newfound softness in his expression and Dex has to break eye contact, afraid that if Nursey keeps looking at him that way, he’ll confess all of his feelings. “Now, help me pick out a shirt that’s hipster-y enough for your stupid bar.”

 

Nursey scoffs and shakes his head. “Any one of your eight _million_ flannels will do just fine, I’m sure.”

 

When they arrive at the bar, it’s somehow even more ridiculous than Dex thought it would be. It’s too dimly lit, and there’s no way every college student in here actually likes the jazz that’s playing, but Nursey seems to be in higher spirits. He orders them some beers and they start chatting, shooting the shit.

 

“Chowder tell you about how much he loves yoga now?”

 

“Oh my God,” Dex answers. “I know. The guy goes to _one_ class with Farmer and now he’s obsessed.”

 

“You should go, Poindexter. If anyone needs their chakras aligned, it’s you.”

 

Dex finishes the sip of his beer and sets it back down before he responds. “I don’t know what the word chakra means and I’m willing to bet money you don’t really know either.”

 

Nursey laughs and takes a sip of his own beer before going into another subject, and Dex starts to struggle when the all too familiar pangs hit his chest, but it’s not his fault. The Luna Lounge is romantic.

 

“I’m not gonna lie,” Nursey starts, when they’re about halfway through their drinks. “I was never really into Star Wars like that, but I kind of fuck with these new ones.”

 

“What? The Force Awakens is what got you into Star Wars?”

 

“Chyeah,” Nursey shrugs.

 

“That’s a travesty,” Dex shakes his head. “These new ones are nothing compared to the original 70's trilogy.”

 

“Hmm,” Nursey hums, pensive. “Seems kind of sus to me.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Well, you might want to think about why you hate the ones that finally have non-White leads.”

 

“I don’t hate them, I just don’t like them as much, and it’s not because of that.”

 

“I don’t know, Poindexter. There _are_ some pretty unchill racial vibes coming off you right now.”

 

“Nursey, I know by now that if you really wanted to talk to me about a racist thought or behavior, this is _not_ the way you would do it, so it’s _evident_ that you’re just fucking with me.”

 

Nursey purses his lips like he doesn’t quite know what to say, looking down and starting to chuckle once he realizes Dex got him.

 

“It _is_ kind of upsetting because you’re usually a lot better at trolling me but I’m not mad,” Dex says. “I’m just disappointed.”

 

Nursey loses it at that and starts cackling in full, laughing so hard he needs to lean on Dex for support, and Dex joins in. When Nursey looks back up, he glances down the bar and his laugh cuts off. Whatever he’s looking at is making him develop a dark, sad look on his face.

 

“I think that’s Andrew.”

 

Dex follows his gaze down the bar and watches as someone who is definitely Andrew kiss a guy who is decidedly not Nursey, and livid is a mild, tame understatement.

 

“You mean to tell me,” Dex starts, putting everything together. “This guy blew you off and stood you up only to show up to your favorite _fucking_ bar, with someone else?”

 

Nursey blinks and looks down at his drink, and that’s what does it. The crestfallen, dejected look on Nursey’s face is what makes the volcano erupt in earnest. “I’m going over there.”

 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Nursey says, holding a hand up. “To do what?”

 

“I don’t know,” Dex admits, honestly not having thought that far ahead. “I’m gonna say something.”

 

“Say _what_?”

 

“I don’t know yet,” Dex repeats.

 

“Dex, I need you to chill.”

 

“Nursey-”

 

“There’s no need to make a scene. Let’s just leave.”

 

“Fine,” Dex agrees, as begrudgingly as he’s ever agreed to anything. He takes the time to calm himself down and does so mostly in silence, as they close out their tab and go outside.

They stand in front of the Luna Lounge and Dex knows Nursey’s not sure what to do next either. He looks around at the other Samwell students milling about and a thought comes to him. “Do you know what Chowder’s up to right now?”

 

“Let me text him,” Nursey says, pulling out his phone. Chowder must text back almost instantly, because it’s only a few moments until Nursey has an answer.

 

“They’re at the Marsh.”

 

Dex legitimately facepalms, dragging his hand down to his chin before he speaks. “Are you serious?”

 

Nursey nods, serious and somber. “I’m deadass, bro.”

 

Dex lets out a long, pained sigh as he and Nursey start walking. “Can’t believe we’re going to the fucking Marsh right now.”

 

“On some real shit, Poindexter,” Nursey says, pocketing his phone. “Don’t you feel like the Marsh is the actual worst bar in Massachusetts?”

 

“There’s no doubt in my mind that that’s true.”

 

“What is it with him and that place?”

 

“I have this theory that he loves it so much because it’s like the green Haus couch of bars.”

 

Nursey quite literally stops in his tracks, puts a hand on Dex’s shoulder, and looks at him in astonishment. “Yo.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Hold up. Now, wait just a damn minute.”

 

“I know.”

 

Nursey puts a hand on his chin and takes a few moments to look around and fully process the realization. “Poindexter, that’s literally exactly what it is.”

 

“Yup,” Dex nods. “Unfortunately for us.”

 

He and Nursey fall back into step and turn onto Jerry Street, now only about a block and a half away. “Well, we kinda had a good time last time.”

 

“Derek, getting really drunk on cheap beer and watching terrible karaoke is not my idea of a good time.”

 

“Word,” Nursey agrees. “I forgot about that karaoke.”

 

“I envy you.” Dex mutters, shaking his head. “Wish I could say the same.”

 

They arrive to the collection of health code violations and join Chowder and Farmer at the bar. Dex can at least admit that the pitchers are pretty cheap here, and it’s not actually a tetanus-infested sewer drain, it’s just fun to chirp Chowder like it is.

There’s a game on the big TV they have behind the bar and the four of them drink and talk and watch it. They hang out and enjoy themselves as they work through a second pitcher, and when Bar Trivia starts they get involved. None of them are very good but they’re enjoying themselves anyway.

Later on, other members of the SMH show up to the Marsh and join them, and when there’s a non-insignificant number of hockey players in a bar the likelihood of disaster significantly increases, so he’s preparing himself for whatever might happen. Nursey goes to the bathroom, but at some point Dex notices he’s been gone for a while.

He goes to the restroom to look for Nursey but he isn’t there and Dex looks around, trying to think of where else he could be. There’s a side exit to a little alley behind the bar, so Dex tries his luck.

When he opens the door, Nursey is standing with his back to him, looking out at the parking lot that the alley leads into. It’s a fairly dark alley and Nursey isn’t standing that close to him, so Dex can’t be sure of what he sees.

He can’t be sure that Nursey quickly wiped tears away before turning towards him. He can’t say for certain that he wasn’t just rubbing his eye or scratching his face.

 

“Hey,” Dex says.

 

“Sup,” Nursey nods, leaned against the wall, and Dex is stung by how badly he wants to get closer.

 

In that moment, there’s nothing he wants more than to be able to reach out and bring Nursey into his arms to fix it. In that moment, there’s no one he hates more than Andrew for being the one to break it.

 

“He’s the _fucking_ worst.”

 

“Dex-”

 

“He is. He’s an asshole, and he pulled some bullshit tonight.”

 

“Yeah,” Nursey agrees, so quietly Dex can barely hear him. “You’re right.”

 

“Nurse-”

 

“You don’t have to, like. I don’t need, like a. Pep talk or anything,” Nursey says, setting his jaw and looking past Dex. “I just needed a minute but I’m coming back inside soon.”

 

“Okay,” Dex nods, understanding. “Okay, yeah.”

 

He turns to go back inside but something stops him, and he stays at the doorway.

 

“I just want to say, for what it’s worth.”

 

He’s probably about to be hugely obvious, but Nursey’s his best friend. He has to say something.

 

“You’re attractive, and funny, and creative, and intelligent and you should be with someone who can appreciate those things, and he’s a huge fucking moron for not seeing how lucky he is to date you.”

 

Nursey looks at him for a long time without saying anything, and it occurs to Dex that he should probably leave before he embarrasses himself any further.

 

“Anyway, that’s the last thing I’m gonna say about this. See you inside.”

 

Dex returns to the group and when Nursey joins them again, he seems to be in decent spirits, but he cuts his night short. “I’m gonna head out,” Nursey says to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “See you back at the crib.”

Dex bids Nursey goodbye as normally as he can, but he’s going over everything in his head, trying to figure out if there’s an actual weirdness that exists between them now or if it’s just imagined.

They stay for a little while longer and after Chowder leaves with Farmer, Dex goes back to the Haus. When he walks into their room, Nursey is knocked out, and Dex gets ready for bed as quietly as he can.

 

 

\---

 

There is an undeniable strangeness that exists between them in the weeks that follow the night at the Marsh, but neither of them bring it up. Dex goes back and forth about saying something, but finals take up huge chunks of their time and make it so they see less of each other and don’t have as much time to talk anyway.

At some point in the busy and cluttered last weeks before summer, Nursey casually mentions that he and Andrew are no longer dating, and Dex reacts in a balanced, neutral way. Unfortunately for Dex, the break-up only worsens and exacerbates his yearning, but it’s good news.

Preparations for the graduation of the class of 2017 begin and Dex throws himself into everything he possibly can to distract himself from the fact that Bitty isn’t coming back next year. They throw a kegster of epic proportions to send the seniors off, and he’s pleased with how it goes.

He’s okay during the graduation ceremony, he’s okay when he’s helping Bitty pack up his truck, he’s okay when all the SMH lines up to say goodbye to Bitty and it’s his turn for a hug.

Chowder, Nursey and Dex go back upstairs to help Chowder move a few more things to the basement before he goes back to San Francisco, and to Dex’s surprise, Bitty pokes his head into the room.

 

“Dex, could you take a quick look at the truck? It’s making a weird noise.”

 

“Sure,” he responds, and follows Bitty down the stairs. He hops into the driver’s side and starts the car and the engine sounds fine, from what he can tell. When he gets out, he goes to the front of the car.

 

“The engine sounds good so far,” he says, before he goes to pop the hood.

 

“I know,” Bitty says, and Dex looks at him, confused. “I just didn’t want to embarrass you in front of Nursey and Chowder with my big sappy goodbye.”

 

There’s nothing left for Dex to do to distract himself and after weeks of being postponed and pushed away, the sadness is finally allowed to flourish. “Wow,” he says, as the emotion rushes in. “This is really it, huh?”

 

“Now, don’t make it sound like you’re at my funeral. Providence ain’t nothin’ but a skip away.”

 

“But it won’t be the same, and what about-”

 

What about the team? What about the Haus? What about my senior year, and how the hell am I going to do it without you?

He wants to yell and cry and throw a tantrum like a child because all the words he needs to say are too heavy and lumbering to pull out of his head. Unfortunately, his mouth has to make do. “What about the pies?”

Bitty lets out a surprised chuckle but Dex watches him understand and see right to the core of him, the way he always does. “I reckon you’ll make ‘em just as good as I ever did.”

 

Dex nods and looks down at his hands, wringing them a bit.

 

“I know you’re probably gonna chirp me for sounding like a mom,” Bitty continues. “But I’m just so proud of the person you’ve grown into. It’s just been amazing to watch.”

 

“Thank you,” Dex responds, starting to get overwhelmed.

 

“And I know that you think everything through a thousand times before you do it, and that’s a good thing. But I hope next year, you take some chances. I hope there are times where you just say ‘fuck it’,” Bitty chuckles. “And go for it.”

 

Dex snorts a bit at that but he cooperates. “We’ll see.”

 

“And I also just want to say, that. You’re so hardworking and disciplined so you deny yourself a lot, but you deserve to enjoy things. I just want you to remember, you deserve the things you want.”

 

“Thank you,” he answers, and it’s hugely overdue, so all of it starts coming up at once. “And, thanks for-”

 

For teaching me how to bake, _not enough_. 

For being a better big brother than the one I have, _too much_. 

For helping me be okay with myself, for helping me actually kind of like myself, for making the Haus a home. _Way too cheesy, and unforgivably so_.

 

“For everything,” he finishes, opening his arms up for another hug. “Thanks for everything, Bitty.”

 

“It was my pleasure,” Bitty says, pulling out of the hug and smiling up at him. “Best time I ever had.”

 

Bitty hugs him one more time, climbs into his truck, and drives to Providence.

 

 

\---

 

After Chowder leaves in the afternoon, Nursey and Dex spend the evening packing up all their things and getting ready to leave the next day. The end of school means the Haus is quiet and so is campus, so they tool around for a bit before Nursey suggests something.

 

“You want to go back to the Luna Lounge tonight? It’s actually nice and we didn’t really get to enjoy it last time.”

 

“Sure,” Dex agrees, glad that the weirdness isn’t too much for them to hang out one on one.

 

They get to the bar and it’s a bit emptier than it was last time, but Dex is significantly less annoyed than he was before. Maybe it’s growing on me, he thinks. 

Nursey gets them each a beer and leans a bit towards Dex, elbow up on the bar with his chin propped up on his hand. “Why have you never told me what the J is in William J. Poindexter?”

 

Dex takes a sip of his amber ale and decides to have a bit of fun. “Maybe I want you to guess.”

 

Nursey furrows his brow, purses his lips and looks off into the distance for a long moment. “Jedediah,” he finally says, and Dex’s face can surely be accurately described by nothing but a series of question marks.

 

“You’re Amish,” Nursey elaborates. “Distantly.”

 

“I am _not_ Amish,” Dex scoffs. “Distantly or otherwise.”

 

“Right,” Nursey nods, confidently. “It’s Jasper, because your parents are obsessed with the antebellum South and they’re Civil War reenactors.”

 

“No to every literal single part of that.”

 

“I still feel like it’s country for some reason,” he continues. “Let’s go with Jarrett.”

 

Dex chuckles at Nursey’s disinterest in coming up with normal J names. “It is certainly not Jarrett.”

 

“I would love it if your parents just hit you with the wild ethnic middle name for no reason and it’s Julio or Jabari or something.”

 

Dex shakes his head as he puts his beer back down. “You know perfectly well it’s neither Julio nor Jabari so now you’re just talking to hear yourself talk.”

 

“Hang on,” Nursey says, holding a finger up. “This is it, forreal.”

 

Dex looks at him and waits.

 

“It’s that thing White People do where they take a regular name but spell it in some extra ass way for no reason,” Nursey explains. “It’s Jason but spelled J-a-y-c-e-n.”

 

“Wow,” he says, making sure to sound as shocked and awe-struck as possible. “You got it, Nurse.”

 

Nursey sets his beer down and turns his head over to Dex, sharp and focused. “Wait, really?”

 

“No, you clown,” Dex retorts, joining in when Nursey starts to laugh. “Also, I’m mad because you’re right about the White People naming thing.”

 

Nursey laughs even harder and picks his beer up, looking at Dex with a crinkly-eyed smile, and Dex has no idea how he’s going to survive another year of this. He shakes his head a little and chugs a bit of his drink before telling Nursey he’s heading to the bathroom.

When he comes back, he spots someone sitting in his seat and talking to Nursey. A flare up of jealousy occurs, but he tamps it down, reminding himself that Nursey isn’t his.

As he gets closer, he realizes that the person sitting down is Andrew, and when he’s back in front of his seat, Nursey looks upset.

 

Andrew looks over, realizing Dex is standing next to him. “So, Will is why you stopped answering my texts,” Andrew concludes, slurred and loud. “That’s what’s going on?”

 

“You need to chill,” Nursey says, “And you should probably leave.”

 

Dex is already annoyed that Andrew is harassing Nursey, and it gets worse when he watches Andrew reach over and get a grip on Nursey’s elbow. “Derek, come on.”

 

Dex counts to five before he speaks, but it doesn’t do much to help. “I’m gonna need you to let go of his arm.”

 

Andrew fully turns towards him, and Dex realizes he’s even more obnoxious when he’s hammered. “Why don’t you mind your own business?”

 

The razor-thin tolerance he has for Andrew snaps into two, and what the simpleton in front of him doesn’t know is that he’s officially talking to d-man Dex, who has a massive amount of aggression, a comically short fuse, and absolutely nothing to lose. “Why don’t you do as I tell you before I do something stupid?”

 

“Dex,” Nursey says, looking back and forth between them. “Chill.”

 

Andrew is looking at him, incredulous and clearly appalled at the threat. “Are you serious right now, bro?”

 

“I don’t know, _bro_ ,” Dex emphasizes, and it feels so good to let the rage stretch out and warm up. “Do I _look_ like I’m fucking kidding?”

 

“You’re not gonna do shit, dude,” Andrew says, and Dex can’t believe how much confidence he has. Dex just can’t wrap his head around how someone can be this smug and this cocky, and the more he thinks about it, the angrier he becomes. On some level, he thinks Nursey might be saying something, but he can barely hear anything over the roar of the fury.

 

“I’m not gonna do shit,” Dex repeats, making a show of cracking his neck and cracking his knuckles. “Okay, why don’t you try me and find out? Why don’t you _fucking_ try me and see for yourself what the _fuck_ happens next?”

 

He knows he’s out of control, but he’s turned all the way up and once he’s _this_ ready to go, there’s nearly no coming back.

 

“Whatever,” Andrew jeers, removing his hand and standing up. “It’s not even worth all this trouble.”

 

Dex doesn’t like Andrew’s tone, but he’s leaving. _He’s leaving_ , he reminds himself, and it all starts to come down to a more manageable level.

 

“I mean he’s hot but way too needy,” Andrew continues, and Dex is frozen but the flames flare up again, undoubtedly too strong now to be put out.

 

“Good with his mouth but a real basket case,” Andrew finishes, as reason and sense burn up into ashes that slip through Dex’s fingers, because. Because that’s just the last _goddamn_ straw, isn’t it?

 

Dex blacks out, balls up his fist, and swings.

 

\---

 

He wakes up to dull and throbbing pains in his jaw, his hands, and his head. He sighs as he puts a hand on his face, making sure to only gently touch the bandage on his chin. The room is empty, but as he gets down from his bed, the door opens and Nursey walks in.

He and Nursey wordlessly look at each other as Nursey leans against the wall, crosses his arms, and stares at him, visibly furious. 

They barely spoke at all last night, through all of it: Nursey pulling him out of the bar, wrangling him into an Uber, patching up his cuts and getting him into bed. Most of that occurred in the same exact kind of heavy, suffocating silence that lives between them at the moment.

 

“Um,” Dex croaks, not knowing how to start. “Hey.”

 

Nursey licks his lips, swallows hard and takes a deep breath before he speaks. “Hey.”

 

“Um,” Dex repeats, because he can’t stand the silence but he doesn’t really have anything to say for himself.

 

“ _Um_ ,” Nursey imitates. “What the fuck was last night all about?”

 

“I just,” Dex says, starting with at least part of the truth. “I just hate his fucking guts.”

 

“I get that,” Nursey responds, “But I had to beg the bartender not to call the police and we’re _lucky_ Coach Hall probably won’t find out. Andrew is not worth that kind of trouble.”

 

Dex nods, realizing Nursey was smoothing things over when he went back inside as Dex waited on the street for the Uber. “You’re right,” he says, as the weight of Nursey’s words settle in. “You’re completely right.”

 

Nursey uncrosses his arms and walks over to where Dex is standing, bringing a hand up to move Dex’s neck and get a better look at the cut. “How’s your jaw,” he starts, examining the bandage. “How’s your hand?”

 

“They’ve both been better,” Dex admits, which elicits a half-chuckle, half-scoff from Nursey.

 

“Poindexter,” Nursey declares, shaking his head and taking his hand away. “What am I gonna do with you?”

 

Choose me, date me, fall for me, Dex thinks. All acceptable options.

 

“Well,” Nursey says, taking a look around the room. “I need to get my things together to leave soon.”

 

“Right,” Dex says, going over to his desk to where his phone is charging. He checks the time and sees he has a few hours left until he needs to leave, but he might as well double and triple check that he has all his things together. They both move quietly, busying themselves with their hands and tidying what they already tidied yesterday.

Dex is about to open his mouth to apologize and try to end the tension, but Nursey beats him to the punch. “Can I ask you something?”

 

He stops what he’s doing and leans back on his desk, facing Nursey and giving him his full attention. “Sure.”

 

“When, when- When we were,” Nursey stutters, choppy, like he’s having a hard time getting the words out. “When we were at the Marsh like a month ago and you said.”

 

The weirdness is finally being addressed, he thinks. He recalls what he said, and how he probably said it, and prays to God he’s ready for wherever this conversation goes.

 

“And you said," Nursey continues, slowly, with a deep breath. "That I’m attractive and creative and intelligent and funny, and that I should date someone who can appreciate me. Were you talking about you?”

 

Dex blinks hard and feels like he can barely breathe as Nursey waits, looking him straight in the eye. He starts to think of some kind of response that will save him from being exposed and salvage the situation, but he can’t bring himself to do it. He’s tired of lying, he’s sick of daydreaming, and he’s fed up with all the pretending.

 

 _Fuck it_ , a voice says. _Go for it_ , it continues, even louder.

 

“Yeah,” he admits, as boldly as he’s ever done anything, not breaking eye contact for a single moment. “I mean, I _was_ speaking generally but I was also talking about myself, yeah.”

 

Even when they were mortal enemies they never stared each other down as hard as this, Dex thinks, focusing on Nursey’s face and watching Nursey do the same. It’s so quiet in their room that theoretically, if it weren’t for the relentless beating in his chest, Dex could hear a pin drop. Nursey takes a single, excruciating step closer.

 

“It would have to be slow.”

 

For the moment, all of Dex’s capacities are being used to try to calm the pounding in his chest and he can’t fully focus yet on forming words, so he’s glad when Nursey continues.

 

“I just mean that I just got out of this thing with Andrew and it wasn’t really good for me, so I want to spend some time by myself.”

 

“I get that,” Dex says, thankful that his mouth can move despite the fact that his brain is melting because there’s a chance, because it’s not a no, because it’s just a not now.

 

“And I don’t know when I would be, like. Ready to start something.”

 

“That’s fine,” Dex assures, honestly. “We could just play it by ear and see how it goes.”

 

“Okay,” Nursey says, stepping an inch closer. They’re looking at each other and neither of them knows what to say, but Dex feels like he has to speak because it’s all too hazy and nebulous like if he blinks too hard, the entire conversation will disappear.

 

“Do you want to come to Maine this summer?”

 

Nursey is clearly caught off guard and Dex has even surprised himself, but he wants to put everything on the table.

 

“It doesn’t have to be anything,” he elaborates. “And it doesn’t have to, like. Mean anything or have any pressure, I’d just. I’d love to see you this summer, if you have the time. If you want.”

 

“Chill,” Nursey smiles. He takes another step and Dex cannot actually believe that this is _legitimately_ happening to him. 

He’s on high alert as months of anticipation get ready to culminate in a matter of seconds, and as Nursey brings himself another agonizing half-inch closer, goose bumps develop all over his arms. At this point, any attempt at getting his breathing under control is undeniably, certifiably futile.

Nursey’s phone buzzes and they both jump a bit at the suddenness. He pulls it out to look at the alert, and Dex tries not to be disappointed about the moment that’s evaporated.

 

“The Uber I scheduled is close by,” Nursey explains. “I should probably get downstairs.”

 

“Right.”

 

“Uh, um,” Nursey stammers, picking up his bags and starting to move. “I’ll talk to you soon?”

 

“For sure,” Dex answers, entirely too eager. “You should send me…pointless, waste of time Snapchats on the train.”

 

“My specialty,” he retorts.

 

“Do you want help with your bags?”

 

“I’m good,” Nursey nods, turning around to face Dex once he’s stopped at the door. “Thanks.”

 

“Alright, well. Bye, Nurse.”

 

Nursey half-grins and sends him a wave, right before opening the door with his free hand. “Bye, Poindexter.”

 

After the door closes, it becomes glaringly obvious that he might actually pass out if he doesn’t prioritize breathing normally again because oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. He runs a hand over his face and looks around the room, consumed by exhilaration but still submerged in disbelief.

The door opens again and Nursey comes back in without his bags. He probably forgot something, Dex thinks.

 

Nursey strides towards him, wraps his arms around Dex’s waist and kisses him, gentle, but intense. It’s frenzied and tender and Dex is dissolving. It’s perfect and Dex has dissolved.

 

“Okay,” Nursey whispers after they’ve pulled apart, his face an inch away from Dex’s. “Bye, forreal this time.”

 

“Bye,” Dex says again, as Nursey brings his arms back from around Dex, walks out the door, and heads back downstairs.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Important to note here is that Chowder doesn't know what's going on because Nursey is hiding/spinning the situation because if Chowder knew his best friend was dating an asshole he would absolutely say something and be there for Nursey because Chowder is canonically Nursey's best friend, the light of his life, and the undisputed best boy in the world. 
> 
> Love your comments, I'm sorry all the ones from before got deleted :( Love you guys.


	2. you and all you know and how you speak

On the Saturday of the last week of August, Dex walks back into his room and sets his bags down next to his desk. It’s nice to be back at the Haus, he thinks, taking a look around. It’s nerve-wracking to be by himself, but he’s also anxious when he thinks about Nursey coming back.

The summer had been amazing and Nursey’s visit to Maine had been incredible, leaving Dex’s parents all but ready to adopt him, but on some level it felt like the summer was too perfect. On some level, Dex feels like when Nursey returns, he’ll come to his senses and end what’s starting between them. 

Halfway through worrying himself into a tizzy, he decides to do something useful while he’s waiting for Nursey to arrive, so he opens his laptop up to see if any of his classes have posted syllabi. As he’s scrolling through the list of books he’s going to need for one of his classes, Nursey walks into the room.

 

“Hey,” he greets, setting his bags down. “How’s it going?”

 

“Good,” Dex says, standing up and going around to the side of his desk. “Thanks.”

 

They stand a few feet apart and look at each other for a few moments, both of them silent until they go to speak at the same time.

 

“So-”

 

“What-”

 

Dex chuckles as Nursey does the same, and he takes a bit of comfort in seeing that Nursey is nervous too. “Go ahead.”

 

“So,” Nursey starts. “I was talking to Chowder, and he and Farmer are going bowling next Friday.”

 

“Cool,” Dex says.

 

“And I think he wants it to be, like. Like a double date.”

 

“I see,” Dex nods, understanding.

 

“So, do you want to go?”

 

Dex moves to open his mouth, and Nursey continues with clarification. “As my date, to the double date at the bowling alley, I mean.”

 

“Yes,” Dex answers, with a smirk. “I’d like to go as your date to the double date at the bowling alley. I thought poets were supposed to be, like...smooth and good with words.”

 

Nursey sweetly flashes the 100-watt grin that shows off his teeth and makes him look like an actor. “Shut up.”

 

Dex laughs, leaning back on his desk. “You know, I’m looking forward to it because I do like a bit of bowling, and I’m actually decent at it.”

 

“Yo,” Nursey says, like he’s recalling something. “You _are_ actually mad good at bowling. You _do_ actually pull up and go beast mode on those pins.”

 

“It’s clear that you’re mocking me so I’m not responding to that.”

 

“I’m not,” Nursey insists, chuckling a bit. “I’m dead excited to see you in action again.”

 

“Whatever you say, Nursey.”

 

They stand and look at each other for a few moments until Nursey walks over, stopping when they’re face to face. When he talks, it’s in a near whisper. “I’m really glad to see you again,” he says.

 

Dex looks at him, emboldened enough by Nursey’s gaze to take his hand when he responds. “Me too.”

 

They kiss a few times, heated and heavy, until they eventually pull apart, and go downstairs to greet their arriving teammates.

 

\---

 

Classes start up and they spend the first week falling back into the swing of things. Fall semester of senior year in the comp-sci major is notoriously terrifying, so he makes a detailed schedule and gets back in the habit of efficiently managing his time. His first assignments are all due the following Monday and Tuesday, but he starts chipping away at them little by little to lighten up the weekend.

Parallel Computing, the biggest beast of the semester, has computer lab on Friday afternoons, which is irksome to no end but it is what it is. As they’re wrapping up, he’s talking to a classmate about the first problem set.

 

“Yeah, I submitted it online before lab started just to get it out of the way,” Justin says, packing up his bookbag.

 

“That’s pretty early,” Dex responds, closing out the program on the lab computer. “Good for you.”

 

“Well, it’s not that early, but it’s better than tonight at 11:55, which is some shit I definitely would have pulled last year.”

 

Dex nods without saying a word, panic rising as he logs into Chalkboard, sees that he was mistaken about this problem set being due on Monday, and realizes he has seven hours left to get it done.

Even though he feels like he’s been electrocuted, he manages to go through the motions of packing up and leaving the computer lab, practicing breathing deep into his chest as the anxiety makes it ache.

When he sits down at the library, he notices his phone has low battery but there’s no time to go back to the Haus to get the charger, so he resigns himself to letting it die. He takes some deep breaths to clear his head because panicking won’t help him get his work done any faster. It only works to a certain degree, but he ventures that riding the waves of the terror actually helps him keep pushing, and at ten o’ clock, he’s finally able to see through to the other side.

At 11:15, he submits something that’s a C+ at worst, but that’s better than a zero, and he’ll have time to make it up later.

When he gets back to the Haus, he’s exhausted, finally coming down from the panic attack in earnest. He walks into the room and Nursey is on his bed, reading.

 

“Hey, Nurse.”

 

“Hey,” Nursey says softly, slightly looking up from his book.

 

Dex sets his stuff down on his desk and sits at his chair. “What’s up?”

 

“Nothing, um. We got back from the bowling alley a little bit ago.”

 

“Oh my God,” Dex says, putting his palms up to his face as their conversation from last week comes back to him. “Nursey, I’m so sorry. I realized really late that I had this problem set due tonight and I’ve been in the library this whole time.”

 

“Yeah,” Nursey nods, looking down at his book. “It’s chill. I mean, it’s okay.”

 

The mask of fake chill returns in full force, and Dex will not tolerate being the reason Nursey puts it on.

 

He goes over to the bed and sits down at the edge of it, putting a hand on Nursey's thigh. “Der,” he says, as Nursey looks up from his book. “No, it’s not.” 

 

Nursey waits, watching him attentively.

 

“It’s not okay for me to say I’m gonna do something and then not do it, and it’s not okay for me to not show up somewhere if you were expecting me,” Dex says, looking at him directly in the eye. “I’m really sorry, and I hope to make it up to you.”

 

Nursey nods softly, and speaks faintly when he responds. “Thank you.”

 

He’s not sure where it comes from, but all of a sudden Dex feels compelled to confess and be over the top and tell Nursey all types of things. He wants to tell Nursey that he’d never hurt him on purpose, that this summer was the best summer of his life, that Dex belongs to him, fully and completely.

Luckily, he gets ahold of himself and when he speaks, it’s measured and safe. “Can I get a spot next to you?”

 

Nursey obliges and scoots over on his bed, and Dex squeezes in. “How was bowling?”

 

“Yo,” Nursey starts, earmarking his book before closing it. “Farmer kills me because she’s the sweetest girl in the world but when her competitive side comes out, she turns into a savage.”

 

“Oh my God, do you remember that Monopoly game?”

 

“So glad you brought that up because I was about to say tonight was like…the high-octane…bigger budget sequel or some shit. Monopoly Night: 2 Fast 2 Furious.”

 

“With an intro like that, I need you to start exactly at the beginning and not leave a single detail out.”

 

Nursey chuckles and begins recapping, and Dex takes his hand, rubbing his thumb back and forth as he listens to the story.

 

\---

 

The next month or so of dating goes by successfully, save for the dollars they have to cough up for pet names and kissing. Chowder is of course through the roof about the way their relationship is developing, and even though they’re officially “double dates” now when the four of them hang out, he doesn’t feel like too much has changed.

At the end of September, they have a Fall Break and Bitty invites Dex to visit Providence during the four-day weekend. Dex gets to Bitty and Jack’s apartment on Friday afternoon, and Dex is beyond thrilled to see him again.

After a few hours of chatting and catching up, he realizes he hasn’t seen Jack at all and his curiosity gets the best of him. “Where’s Jack? Practice or something?”

 

“I don’t know,” Bitty shrugs. “I told him to get lost.”

 

Dex furrows his brow, stunned and perplexed. “What?”

 

“Now don’t you start fussing, I did tell him to get but I said it nicely.”

 

“Why?”

 

Bitty smiles, leaning over and putting a hand on his knee. “Because I wanted some quality one-on-one time with my favorite Frog.”

 

Dex is touched, but the emotion is at risk of becoming too much, so he deflects. “I bet you say that to all the Frogs.”

 

“Well I do,” Bitty agrees, unabashed. “But I mean it for each of y’all.”

 

Jack eventually does return to his house, and they take him out to dinner at a very nice restaurant in Providence. He’s a bit awkward about Jack picking up the tab, but Bitty doesn’t allow that discomfort to live for too long.

On Saturday, Dex is given a tour of the Falconers rink and they spend the rest of the day going around Providence and doing some sight-seeing. When the evening comes, they go barhopping with a bunch of the Falconers and even though Dex definitely doesn’t belong at a fancy bar with a bunch of NHL players, he has an incredible time.

Throughout the weekend, Dex is thoroughly chirped by both Jack and Bitty about how much time he spends on his phone communicating with Nursey, but he can’t really say anything against the truth. 

On Sunday morning, Dex wakes up and goes out to the kitchen where Bitty has a bunch of his baking books and supplies spread out on the table.

 

Bitty beams when he sees him. “How’s my right hand man feeling this morning?”

 

Dex takes a long, thorough look at everything that’s laid out. “Oh, boy.”

 

“That’s right,” Bitty nods. “This morning, I woke up already in the zone.”

 

“Nice,” Dex nods, feeling his phone buzz in his pocket. He opens it up to look at it, and it’s a message from Nursey.

 

“Another text from your boyfriend?”

 

He looks up and sees Bitty with a smug, knowing smile. “Yes.”

 

“My, my, my,” Bitty declares, shaking his head and crossing his arms. “We truly have come a long way, haven’t we?”

 

“Yes, we have.”

 

“It’s great to see you like this,” Bitty says, leaning forward and propping his chin up. “Being in love looks good on you.”

 

“Um, I- I mean, it’s, um. Well, I don’t know, um. I don’t know if I would say that-”

 

“Honey, it’s written on your face clear as day damn near every time you check that phone. You’re about as subtle as a sledgehammer.”

 

Dex nods, accepting the fact that he’s clearly a lot more obvious than he thinks he is. “Good to know, I guess.”

 

“Now, I hope you’re ready to get to work,” Bitty delivers, and Dex smiles because it's just like old times, and he's missed this. “‘Cause we got a whole heap of chopping to do.”

 

He claps his hands together. “Let’s get started.” 

 

After all is said and done, Bitty packs an obscene amount of baked goods into Dex’s bag, hugs him goodbye, and drops him off at the bus station. Getting back to Samwell from Providence is a fairly quick and easy affair, so he’s back at the Haus with plenty of the afternoon left.

 

“Hey,” Nursey says, when Dex walks back into their room. “I missed you.”

 

“Nurse, it’s barely been 48 hours,” he chirps, putting his bag down in the corner.

 

What he’s expecting is for Nursey to bring attention to how frequently Dex texted him, and how quickly he responded to all of Nursey’s texts. What he’s expecting is for Nursey to say something like ‘don’t front like you weren’t counting down the minutes ‘til you saw me again, Poindexter.’ What he’s expecting is for Nursey to accurately point out that Dex missed Nursey just as much.

 

What he’s not expecting is for Nursey to get quiet, close in on himself, and sit down at his desk.

 

“Yeah,” Nursey murmurs. Dex is unsettled by the change in disposition, racking his brain for what to say and unsure because he was so ready for Nursey to just give it back to him.

 

 _Basket case_ , he suddenly remembers, and Andrew is in the forefront of his memory, horrible and sneering. _Needy_.

 

“Wait,” Dex announces. “I didn’t mean that in a bad way.”

 

Nursey looks up, and Dex sees that the façade is back. “It’s chill, Poindexter.”

 

“Okay,” Dex responds, watching Nursey like a hawk. “But I didn’t mean that like you’re…clingy or anything.”

 

“Either way,” Nursey shrugs, infuriatingly continuing the routine. “It’s not that serious.”

 

“It _is_ serious to me,” Dex emphasizes, voice firm. “That came off dickish and I didn’t mean it that way.”

 

Nursey sits back in his chair and looks up at Dex. “Okay.”

 

Dex purses his lips, crosses his arms and stares at Nursey, hard.

 

“Stop frowning at me,” Nursey says. “We’re cool.”

 

“You swear we’re cool?”

 

“Yes, William,” Nursey retorts, exasperated. “I swear we’re cool.”

 

“Okay,” Dex starts, getting his thoughts in order. “I’m gonna drop this but before I do, I just want to say.”

 

He takes a moment before speaking because it’s a lot to lay out and he’s already embarrassed by the upcoming words, but he has to do it.

 

“I really like when you tell me things like you missed me, or that you were thinking about me, or that you’re glad to see me because I feel the same way, and. I like getting those kinds of texts and notes and messages from you too, and. I really like how…open you are with affection. I don’t need you to tone that down.”

 

Nursey regards him for a moment before getting up from his chair and walking over to where Dex is. When they’re face to face, Nursey wraps his arms around Dex’s lower torso and Dex does the same, mirroring Nursey instinctively.

 

“I really appreciate that,” Nursey near-whispers. “Because that looked uncomfortable _A-F_.”

 

Dex half chuckles, half scoffs, delighted by how well Nursey knows him. “Well, it’s…not the easiest thing for me to be this forthcoming with...feelings.”

 

“I know,” Nursey responds, and his eyes have never been this fond, and his voice has never been this gentle. “Thank you.”

 

“Sure thing,” Dex says, instead of the three dozen 'I love you’s' that creep to the edge and threaten to jump out into the air out at times like this, when Nursey holds him like there’s nothing better, and looks at him like there’s nothing else.

 

Nursey leans in to kiss him and Dex kisses him back, vigorous, with everything he can’t say yet.

 

“How was your visit,” Nursey asks, after they’ve pulled apart.

 

“A lot of fun,” Dex answers. “I have some stories for you.”

 

“Tell me.”

 

“Do you remember Snowy?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“So, we were all at this bar and I don’t know how we started talking, but anyway he’s into all the hipster stuff you like, and he goes to music festivals and everything so he starts talking to me about music. At some point, he tells me about this band and I can’t even remember what they were called, but he said they do hip-hop and R&B influenced rock and I said 'oh, like the Roots.'”

 

Nursey’s eyebrows shoot up and he nods slowly for emphasis, clearly impressed. “Well, look at you.”

 

“I know,” Dex chuckles, “And then he asked me what albums I liked and I said I don’t really like the Roots that much, it’s just that my boyfriend listens to them all the time but the 2004 album is decent, the 2011 album is alright, and there’s a live album that’s actually not bad.”

 

Nursey smiles, starting to laugh a bit as Dex continues. “And then Snowy just kind of looks at me for a little bit and he goes, ‘Huh...You _sure_ you don’t like the Roots?’”

 

“At which point, I realized that uh,” Dex continues, as Nursey closes his eyes and brings one of his hands up to laugh into it. “That I actually do quite like the Roots, so.”

 

Nursey laughs into his shoulder for a little bit, and comes back up as the chuckles settle down. “Can we take a moment to acknowledge that I upgraded you and raised you up from the gutter of ‘Isn’t that Jimmy Fallon’s house band’?”

 

“Theatrical as usual,” Dex drones. “But not untrue.”

 

“This is amazing. I never thought I’d see the day you’d like my music.”

 

“Well, I wouldn’t get too excited because I still think most of it is ugly and unpleasant noise, but-”

 

“ _Really_ chill and _super_ sick that we’re just firing shots for no good reason now,” Nursey cuts off, and Dex chuckles because it’s the exact reaction he wanted. “ _Loving_ all this hating-ass energy.”

 

He's about to get into another story, but he remembers what Bitty sent. “Also, I have a surprise in my bag.”

 

“What is it?”

 

Nursey lets him go and Dex steps to pick his bag up and zip it open. “Bitty was in a huge baking mood today so there’s some pretty high quality stuff in here.”

 

Dex takes out a few of the Tupperwares and stacks them on the desk, watching Nursey’s eyes get big as the pile grows. “Oh, it’s _fucking_ lit.”

 

“Undeniably so,” Dex agrees.

 

“Oh hell nah,” Nursey says, picking up the last container Dex stacked, taking off the envelope addressed to him. “I know this man did not just- Bro, this better not be the mocha moose brownies.”

 

“It sure is.”

 

“Why does he do this,” Nursey starts, opening Bitty’s note. “When he knows I have no self-control?"

 

Dex shakes his head like it wasn’t his idea to make Nursey’s favorite brownies and bring them back to him. “It’s not right.”

 

“Yo,” Nursey says, shaking his head as he reads. “This note has me in my feelings and realizing it’s actually _excessively_ wack and _exceedingly_ fucked up that they just? Let people graduate?”

 

“I know,” Dex nods, truly and deeply able to relate. “I miss him too.”

 

Nursey lets out a long sigh, closing up the envelope and putting it in one of the journals on his desk. “Well, I’m not gonna lie, this actually came at a pretty opportune time ‘cause stress-eating is kind of the wave I’m on right now.”

 

Dex remembers that on Friday, Nursey had a type of preliminary interview for a publishing job, and he brings his hand up to Nursey’s elbow. “Did that Skype call go badly?"

 

“I don’t know,” Nursey responds, “It’s weird because I feel like I did really well but also that I hugely blew it at the same time.”

 

“I know what you mean.”

 

“Anyway, I’m just gonna try to chill until I hear from them and know for sure.”

 

“That’s a good idea,” Dex agrees.

 

Nursey opens up the Tupperware, picks up a brownie and takes a ridiculous bite, while making a ridiculous ‘om nom nom’ noise. “So, what else happened this weekend?”

 

\---

 

It’s the middle of October and midterms are in full swing, so Dex has been working nearly nonstop for the past few days. He’s glaring at the malfunctioning program on his laptop, just shy of furious and a hair’s breath away from enraged.

The code refuses to run despite the fact that he’s gone through it a dozen times with a fine-toothed comb, and the fifth time it fails is when he finally snaps.

 

“Oh my fucking God,” Dex says, balling his fist and slamming it against his desk. “Un _fucking_ believable.”

 

“Poindexter,” Nursey calls, from across the room. “Chill.”

 

Dex closes his eyes, puts a hand over his mouth and breathes slowly through his nose, letting the anger simmer a bit before he speaks. “Nurse-”

 

“Wait,” Nursey says, getting up and walking over to him. “I don’t mean chill like your frustration is stupid or unjustified. I mean chill because I don’t want that vein in your neck to burst.”

 

Dex stares at Nursey for a moment then nods, turning his head to go back to his work.

 

“Okay,” Nursey says, coming up behind him and wrapping his arms around Dex’s chest. He presses a kiss to Dex’s jaw and when he speaks, it’s a gravelly near-whisper. “Can I have you for a couple hours?”

 

Nursey pulls out the big guns in his arsenal, making his way down and kissing Dex’s neck a few times, chopping down nearly every last bit of Dex’s discipline and resolve. “I can’t afford that right now.”

 

“When’s the last time you even ate anything?”

 

Dex purses his lips and tries to remember, but comes up blank.

 

“Exactly,” Nursey continues, when Dex’s silence answers. “So, we need eating time.”

 

Dex saves his work, pushes his laptop a few inches away and closes it, finally ready to yield. “You can have an hour.”

 

“I can meet you at an hour and a half.”

 

He looks up at Nursey and puts on his best ‘I mean business’ face. “In an hour and a half, I need to be back here working, Nursey.”

 

“Baby,” Nursey says, in his ‘I got this’ voice. “I completely understand and I couldn’t agree more.”

 

Dex shakes his head, stands up and puts a flannel over his t-shirt. He’s on autopilot when he gets his jacket and boots on and distracted as he follows Nursey down the stairs, still thinking about his programming problems.

The next time he’s paying attention, they’re outside on the lawn and Nursey is looking down at his phone. “Where are we going?”

 

“’Downtown’ Samwell,” Nursey says, making the gesture with his left hand while the other one taps out of the Uber app.

 

Dex scoffs and rolls his eyes. “There’s no need for the air quotes.”

 

“I’m not trying to be a dick but I’m from a place where the word downtown actually means something, so…yeah, there is a need for air quotes.”

 

“Oh my God,” he shakes his head. “Just ‘cause it’s not Manhattan.”

 

“It’s not just 'not Manhattan', it’s a busted-ass suburban strip mall.”

 

“You are such a snob. I think Downtown Samwell is perfectly fine and really nice.”

 

“Well, you’re a rustic woodsman from the wilds of Maine so our baselines for comparison are a little bit different, babe.”

 

“ _Wow_ ,” Dex enunciates, stretching it out. ”’Wilds of Maine’ is _foul_.”

 

“You right,” Nursey nods, acquiescing. “Kennebunkport is a town with a town hall and shit, you right.”

 

“'Rustic woodsman' is special though,” Dex chuckles, amused by Nursey’s audacity. “Gotta tell you, I do love when you use your big fancy poet words to call me a hillbilly.”

 

“Hillbilly is _your_ word,” Nursey says, as the car pulls up. He holds the door open for Dex and slides into the backseat next to him. “I just need the record to show that it came from your mouth and not mine.”

 

Downtown Samwell is a five-minute drive even with traffic so they’re there in no time, and when Dex sees the restaurant’s logo, his jaw drops to the ground. “Oh my God.”

 

“Yup,” Nursey nods, following him inside as they get in line.

 

Dex looks up at the menu with wonder, still completely in shock. “Nursey.”

 

“I know. We’re finally able to know when and where to get them.”

 

Up until now, Cheesed to Meet You had been their white whale, a food truck that made the best grilled cheese sandwiches they’d ever had but never updated their website or social media, so they never knew how to get to them. “Do you remember how hard it was to find them on campus?”

 

“Homie,” Nursey shakes his head, solemnly. “Without a doubt, the struggle of our lives.”

 

“This is actually a game-changer.”

 

“Hugely,” Nursey nods. “Hugely.”

 

“Does Chowder know they have a restaurant now?”

 

“I don’t think so.”

 

“I literally can’t wait until he finds out.”

 

“That’s gonna be some top five of all time just like, _Hall of Fame_ Chowder excitement.”

 

Dex pulls a menu from next to where they’re standing and opens it up between them. “What are you thinking?”

 

“I kind of want the barbecue one but I also want the buffalo chicken tenders one.”

 

“Strong same,” Dex agrees.

 

“We should get one of each and then trade halves.”

 

“Perfect,” Dex nods, folding the menu up and remembering something he wanted to address. “Also, before we get to the register just to bring something up. I’m gonna need you to stop paying for everything.”

 

Nursey looks like a deer caught in headlights, but Dex knows by now how to recognize when he’s playing dumb. “I don’t pay for everything.”

 

Dex crosses his arms, licks his lips, blinks twice, and waits.

 

“Well, I’m paying for these because I dragged you out of the Haus so that’s fair,” Nursey says, as Dex sighs and shakes his head. “But after this, I’ll start easing up.”

 

After ordering, they go to sit in a plush, cherry-red booth and wait for their number to be called. The restaurant’s design and color scheme are the type of retro and kitschy that Dex usually hates, but they actually manage to make it kind of charming.

Nursey pulls out his phone and stares at it for a minute or two as he moves it around from side to side. “The lighting is actually really good in here, so I’m gonna get some of these selfies off if you don’t mind.”

 

“By all means,” Dex says with a smirk, watching Nursey pose and take his photos.

 

Nursey puts his phone down after he’s taken a few, crosses his arms and leans forward, looking at Dex with a glint in his eye. “Can I come around to where you’re sitting and take some pictures of us?”

 

Absolutely not, he thinks, because every photo that’s ever been taken of me is terrible. “Sure,” he says instead, because denying Nursey is only getting harder and harder to do.

 

Nursey scoots in to the left to him and starts snapping, but Dex is confused because it seems like the camera is taking a lot of photos in quick succession, and he’s not sure when is the right time to smile.

 

“Chill,” Nursey says, bringing his phone back in and going through the photos, “In these next ones I take, could you maybe not give me as many distressed hostage vibes and look a little more like you’re enjoying spending time with me?"

 

“I wasn’t,” Dex says, starting to laugh. “It’s just that when it’s taking the photo every second, I’m not sure what to do.”

 

Nursey shakes his head as he puts the camera back to the normal setting. "I'm shaking my head at my own self because it's bad enough that I have a White dad, and now I'm fucking dating one." 

 

"Now, you're just bullying," Dex says, and Nursey laughs, putting his phone down. "You're just being a bully, now." 

 

As it turns out, setting the camera back to normal is even worse because Nursey is a selfie perfectionist, and Dex is certain he ruins some of the pictures by vocalizing how ridiculous Nursey is for taking as long as he does to choose the 'right angles'. When the Selfie King is finally satisfied with the photos he’s taken, he starts deleting the extras.

 

“These came out decent,” he says, reflective. “I’m having a good face day.”

 

Dex snorts and looks over at Nursey, leaning forward on his elbow and using his hand to prop up his chin. “That would imply that you have bad face days.”

 

“I do.”

 

“You very obviously don’t, but okay.”

 

“But I do.”

 

“Okay,” Dex starts, shaking his head. “I’ve seen you just roll out of bed, put no effort into your appearance and remain a certified ten, so that’s just…highly unlikely.”

 

Nursey furrows his brow and cocks his head to the side. “I wouldn’t say I’m a ten.”

 

“I do actually agree in that you’re a twelve,” Dex replies. "At least." 

 

Now, it’s Nursey’s turn and scoff and shake his head. “In real life, I’m not even half as hot as the way you describe me.”

 

“Derek, in real life you are patently _ten_ times hotter than the way I describe you.”

 

“What kills me about you is how comfortably you’re able to chirp me for having a fan club even though you’ll talk like you’re its active President.”

 

Dex’s hand cups his chin and he pauses for a few moments like he’s thoughtfully considering his next words. “It _is_ a delicate balance to strike, but I find a way somehow.”

 

Nursey chuckles, wrongly and unethically hitting him with the full force of the movie star smile. He takes Dex’s hand and gazes at him, warm and relaxed.

 

“I love you,” he says, and Dex didn’t know he was waiting. He didn’t know it’d be a house of locked doors and bolted windows that open all together, all at once.

 

“I love you, too,” Dex answers, honest. Their eyes meet for a moment and he wonders if Nursey can see how vulnerable he is. He wonders if Nursey can see how vulnerable he’s made him.

 

Nursey grins, pleased and content, then picks up his phone again to keep looking through the photos. “Yo, on the highest key you’re actually my sweetheart and _all_ homo? You look like a _snack_ in these.”

 

“All homo,” Dex repeats, chuckling and shaking his head. “Oh my God.”

 

A thought occurs to him as he watches Nursey continue to scroll and delete. “Could you send me the photos you took? Your selfies, too.”

 

“Sure,” Nursey says, opening up their text message thread.

 

“Also,” Dex adds, “Just generally in the future if you have a selfie you like or feel like you want to share, you should send it to me because I’d like to receive those.”

 

“That sounded like a business email but that’s not a chirp ‘cause I’m with it,” he continues, and Dex smiles at the comment. “Deadass, that was actually cute and I’m into it.”

 

Their number is called and Nursey stands up to go get their sandwiches.

 

“Thank you,” Dex says, before Nursey walks over to the counter. “I _did_ need this break.”

 

Nursey looks down at him and smiles their small, private smile. “Anytime.”

 

\---

 

Chowder’s birthday falls on a weekend so at the end of October, Chowder’s Big Birthday Extravaganza goes underway, and none of them hold back. Dex wakes up on Saturday hung-over with bit of a crick in his neck, needing to carefully extract himself from Nursey so he can go downstairs and get started on Chowder’s cake.

It’s already past 11 am, so he gets started on the frosting first because it’s a mousse-style recipe he’s never tried before, and he needs to give himself enough time to be able to do something else if it doesn’t work out.

Nursey strolls into the kitchen a couple of hours later, as Dex is bringing out the dry ingredients for the cake and laying them out in front of him. “Morning, babe.”

 

“Good afternoon, sleeping beauty,” Dex responds.

 

Nursey takes a look at the clock on the microwave and grimaces. “Yikes, it’s one p.m for real for real, huh?”

 

“It sure is.”

 

Nursey wraps his arms around his midsection and props his chin on Dex's shoulder. “Can I join you?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“Can I help you?”

 

Dex pauses at that, remembering how things worked out the last couple of times Nursey tried to ‘help’ him in the kitchen. He narrows his eyes, trying to think of the right way to say no, thank you. “Um.”

 

“Wow, it’s like _that_? I know I’m a little bit clumsy, but come on.”

 

“Sweetheart,” Dex says, bringing a hand up to Nursey’s face and hoping it’s enough to soften the blow. “It’s a little bit more than a little bit.”

 

“Whatever,” Nursey says, rolling his eyes and stepping a few feet away to give Dex space to do his work. “I’ll just watch you, then.”

 

Dex takes a look at the supplies he has in front of him and picks up the baking powder, opening it as he speaks. “You ready for part two of Christopher Chow’s Big Birthday Weekend?”

 

“Yo,” Nursey starts, and Dex is already preparing himself. “I’m really not because last night was _mad_ real and it is only by the grace of _Allah_ , that all the L’s I took were mild and inconsequential.”

 

Dex chuckles and picks up the baking soda, shaking his head. “You honestly act like your crazy nights out have these near brushes with death that God saves you from.”

 

“You don’t take me seriously, but I really do stay on some Mulan’s lucky cricket shit and God is Mushu carrying me around trying to keep me alive.”

 

“You’ve outdone yourself,” Dex nods, picturing what Nursey described. “That’s a five-star visual.”

 

“Do you remember the end of the movie after they defeated the Huns, and the cricket is just looking done as fuck and bedraggled as shit because he’s narrowly escaped death for like the seventh time?”

 

“Vaguely, yes.”

 

“Okay, mood when we were at Rusty’s and mood as _hell_ when we were at the Blu Bar.”

 

Dex shakes his head and laughs, remembering the state of them last night. “I actually could also use some kind of guardian angel when I deal with Farmer.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“What I mean is that Caitlin talks me into drinks that look like candy and taste like candy but there’s actually a metric ton of the strongest fucking vodka in them, and I’m an idiot so I never learn my lesson.”

 

Nursey laughs at that, shaking his head, and when he speaks again he sounds resigned. “Damn, tonight’s about to be a hot ass mess, huh.”

 

Dex nods and puts the dry ingredients he’s mixed together to the side. “The likelihood of that is looking staggeringly high.”

 

He brings forward the frosting he put aside earlier and uncovers it to taste it to see if it still tastes the way it should, and if it needs anything else. “Well, this is nice and chocolatey,” Nursey observes, and Dex already knows where their conversation going.

 

“Yeah, there’s a bunch of cocoa powder and I melted a good amount of chocolate chips into it.”

 

“Hmm,” Nursey says, and Dex is waiting for the question he got ready for this morning. “With regards to the chocolate chips, just out of curiosity, did you melt all of them?”

 

“No,” Dex responds, opening the cupboard and placing the chocolate chips he saved in Nursey’s palm. “Because I knew the chocolate junkie I’m dating was going to come around eventually.”

 

“Yo,” Nursey says, looking down at the bag in his hand with awe. “What kind of Professor X ass…just like, Jedi Master ass foresight right now?”

 

Dex snorts, ready to reopen a debate they’ve had a million times. “What kills me about you is how you’ll drop references like that and then say that I’m the only nerdy one, with zero self-awareness and a completely straight face.”

 

“And I still maintain,” Nursey pushes back, the way he always does. “I still maintain that I’m only nerd-adjacent by virtue of dating you.”

 

Dex lets out a long, tedious sigh. “Okay, Nurse.”

 

“It’s not like I enjoy being afflicted by secondhand wackness, you know. If we’re being really real about things, I’m actually a victim of your nerdy ass antics.”

 

The fact that he’s able to say such a blatant untruth with so much conviction is what makes Dex set the rubber spatula down on the counter. He puts his hands together in front of his face, stares at Nursey and waits a few moments before he speaks again. “You are so fucking full of shit.”

Nursey throws his head back and laughs hard, leaning on Dex for support. “It’s sad,” he continues, shaking his head while Nursey laughs into his shoulder. “It’s sad because you need help.”

 

They continue that way as Dex works on the cake, and various members of the SMH flit in and out of the kitchen as the afternoon progresses. When the cake is finished, they all gather around Chowder and sing happy birthday, and Dex is pleased with the way everything came out. All of them seem to enjoy the cake, and he makes a note to message Bitty that the changes he made to the recipe actually worked. 

The evening arrives then becomes the night, and as the second part of Chowder’s birthday weekend unfolds, it proves itself to be tremendously messy but incredibly fun, and mercifully not as much of a shitshow as the first night was. They go to clubs in Boston that Dex isn’t cool enough for but he laughs the whole night, ecstatic to be stupid and drunk and alive, here, with his favorite people in the world.

Part of the magic of Nursey is that the fun is infectious, and Dex goes willingly under his spell. He lets himself dance, lets himself be kissed on the dance floor, lets himself get carried away and swept up and pulled into Nursey, and he doesn’t waste a minute of it feeling self-conscious. 

When they get back to the Haus, they fall asleep nearly instantly, exhausted to the core after two nights of partying as hard as they have been. In the dark hours of the morning, Dex wakes up freezing and reaches out for Nursey but finds an empty bed.

He’s confused and still a little tipsy but he manages to sit up and look around the room. Nursey is sitting at his desk with a lamp on, looking down at his hands.

 

“Nurse,” Dex calls, and Nursey looks over at him. “What’s up?”

 

“Nothing, I just...Nothing.”

 

The room is dimly lit but Dex can see that something’s off, and he hears it in Nursey’s voice, too. “Could you come here?”

 

Nursey obliges, getting up and walking back over to their bed. He lies flat on his back, looks straight up and bites his lip. Dex is sat up next to him, and touches his arm before he speaks. “What’s going on?”

 

“I don’t know,” he starts, letting out a long sigh. “I got up to go to the bathroom and I just. I realized it’s Chowder’s last birthday here and who knows if I’ll even see him for his birthday next year, and who knows where we’ll all be, and then I started thinking and I couldn’t really stop. I don’t know, senior year just hit me really hard out of nowhere.”

 

Dex nods and lightly squeezes Nursey’s arm. “I know what you mean.”

 

“And then, like. There’s just so much, like. I don’t regret studying what I did and I love it but sometimes I feel like maybe I should have chosen something more practical, but then again I don’t even know what it would have been and then, like. I still don’t even know if I want to make a career out of books, or if I’d even be good enough to be successful at, like. Anything I would even want to do.“

 

“Der,” Dex says, bringing his hand up to touch Nursey’s cheek. “You’re smart, and talented, and capable, and you could do whatever you wanted. Literature, poetry, whatever writing, whatever editing, whatever else. You’ll find success in anything you choose.”

 

Nursey furrows his eyebrows and frowns. “Do you really think so?”

 

“I mean I don’t have the most unbiased and impartial takes when it comes to you,” Dex admits, bringing his hand back to his lap. “But I still think I’m right, yeah.”

 

Nursey bites his lip again and looks at Dex for a long moment before he speaks. “Can I ask you something?”

 

“Sure.”

 

“The HarperCollins job in New York is looking like it might be a thing and I just wanted to know if next year you might,” Nursey starts, fast, and the words are tumbling out. “Would you- I know it’s early in the year and in our relationship so I don’t need a guarantee or a promise, I just want to know if you would consider-”

 

“Yes,” Dex cuts off, nodding fervently and forcefully. “More than consider.”

 

“Truly,” Nursey says, looking and sounding like he can barely believe it. “ _You_? New _York_?”

 

“Truly,” Dex half-chuckles, amused by the absurdity of what he’s saying and amazed by the fact that he’s so terribly in love with Nursey, he would follow him to the dirtiest, most crowded, most expensive city in America. “Me. New York.”

 

Nursey looks at him for a few beats before turning to stare up at the bottom of the top bunk. He sighs, brings a hand to his forehead and shakes his head. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what we’re doing next year, and even after that. Which I know is intense, and too much.”

 

‘After that’ sticks to Dex, sparking a series of quick-moving snapshots from the past few months:

Nursey over the summer as the perfect house guest, impressing and bewitching his parents. Nursey nearly crashing the pickup truck trying to learn how to drive stick. Nursey seamlessly fitting in with his family at the Fourth of July barbeque, picking up his brother’s baby and making her laugh with funny faces.

Nursey chirping him about something at Annie’s, taking his hand on the walk back from the library, looking up from the maps app and telling him to chill while they’re lost somewhere in Boston. Nursey talking to him in the kitchen, watching him fix the dryer, dancing in the bathroom while they’re getting ready to go out.

The end of the night, tipsy and stumbling back up the stairs, wrapped up in each other as they fall into bed. Nursey’s body and mouth and hands all over, swiftly pulling him apart and slowly putting him back together. 

Nursey as his last thoughts before sleep and his first words in the morning, head rested on Dex’s chest, half-asleep and mumbling the details of the dream he had.

It’s only now as every moment flashes through his head, that he finally understands. It’s only now he realizes how much he’s been hoping that everything so far is just practice, and that what's already happened will only pale in comparison to what lies ahead.

 

“It _is_ intense,” he admits, truthfully, overwhelmed by his newfound awareness. “But it’s not too much.”

 

Nursey turns his head back to look at him, and Dex thinks he can see him understand too. “We still have a ton to figure out.”

 

“And we will,” Dex insists. “But right now, you need to go to sleep.”

 

“You’re right,” Nursey says, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. “I’m just still kind of keyed up, I guess.”

 

Dex looks at Nursey and he brings his hand back up to Nursey’s face, wanting to smooth out the anxious wrinkles between his eyes. For some reason, a memory from months ago returns to the forefront of his mind, and he brings his hand back, crossing his arms. “I have that lullaby.”

 

Nursey opens his eyes and looks at Dex, plainly puzzled. “What?”

 

“You asked if it would be a- a serenade or a lullaby. The guitar isn’t out, but I have it.”

 

Dex watches as the confusion on Nursey’s face transforms into quiet, gentle anticipation. “Well, go ahead.”

 

“But,” Dex qualifies, “The requirements are that you need to really close your eyes and really try to go to sleep.”

 

“Deal,” Nursey agrees, easily and instantly.

 

Dex lies down and opens his arm up for Nursey to nestle in. They settle under the covers and Dex runs his hand up and down Nursey’s back, smooth and hopefully soothing.

 

“I been roaming around always looking down at all I see,” Dex sings. “Painted faces filled with places I can’t reach, you know that I could use somebody.”

 

Nursey finally looks peaceful as Dex sings, his face starting to release the tension from earlier.

 

“Someone like you, and all you know, and how you speak,” he continues, and the song goes on, as Nursey’s eyelids get heavier. 

 

“Off in the night, while you live it up, I’m off to sleep, waging wars to shape the poet and the beat,” Dex sings, and he tries to keep the rise and fall of chest even as Nursey’s breaths slow down. “I hope it’s gonna make you notice, I hope it’s gonna make you notice, someone like me.”

 

Nursey falls asleep soon after Dex finishes the song and Dex plants a kiss on the top of his head, holds on to him a little tighter, and follows suit.

 

\---

 

It’s a crisp Sunday morning in the middle of November, the trees are every shade of orange and Dex is at Annie’s, sitting directly across from Nursey.

 

“I _do_ want to get eggs,” Nursey says, as they talk out what they feel like ordering, “But the hot sauce they have here is so mild and lacking in flavor and it’s just like…having bland hot sauce at your dining establishment is an anti-Black hate crime, and I can’t stand for it.”

 

“You can’t just go around calling innocuous things hate crimes,” Dex says, not for the first time and definitely not for the last. “Can’t believe _I’m_ the one to say this to _you_ , but words mean things.”

 

Nursey chuckles, surely satisfied by Dex’s reaction, then looks back down at the menu. “What are you thinking of getting?”

 

“I’m certain you’re gonna call me 'basic' for this,” Dex says, fully knowing he’s opening himself up to the chirp. “But the pumpkin spice pancakes look good.”

 

“Hmm,” Nursey responds, pensive. “See, now I’m torn because it’s definitely played out to call that basic but at the same time, I do quite enjoy when you let your inner Basic White Girl out.”

 

“I hate you,” Dex answers, trying not to laugh. “I don’t have an inner Basic White Girl.”

 

“Bae,” Nursey leans forward, taking his hand and speaking in a serious tone. “It’s _okay_ that you do. She's  _valid_.”  

 

Dex shakes his head, but loses the battle against laughter as a few chuckles get let loose. “Why am I dating you when I can’t actually stand you?”

 

“Yo,” Nursey shrugs, gravely shaking his head. “I really couldn’t tell you bro, but that’s a good ass question and from the bottom of my heart, dude...I hope you find the answer.”

 

Dex shakes his head and takes a look around the restaurant, nearly pulling a double take when he sees Andrew walk into Annie’s. Dex sees him notice Nursey, and starts making his way towards them.

 

“Oh, shit,” Dex says, looking back at Nursey. “Andrew just walked in and he’s coming over here. Do you want to go somewhere else?”

 

Nursey looks up from the menu with no sense of urgency, stress or hesitation. “Nah.”

 

“Hey Derek,” Andrew greets, putting his hands in his pockets.

 

“Hey Andrew,” Nursey responds, friendly and at ease. “How are you?”

 

“Good, thanks.”

 

Andrew glances at Dex and nods tersely in his general direction. “Will.”

 

Dex returns the nod and offers a tiny smile. “Andrew.”

 

“So,” Andrew starts, back to focusing on Nursey. “How have you been?”

 

“Good, thanks,” Nursey answers. “Hockey started up again last month, so we’re pretty busy with that. How have you been?”

 

“Good,” he responds. “You know, just busy.”

 

“Totally,” Nursey nods understandingly.

 

“You know, I’m actually gonna be in New York for Thanksgiving this year,” Andrew says, and Dex can’t believe after everything that Andrew has the nerve to try and wheel Nursey right in front of him. “Are you going back home?”

 

“Yeah,” Nursey says, glancing at Dex. “We are gonna be in New York, actually.”

 

Andrew looks back and forth between Nursey and Dex, clearly confused.

 

“Dex is coming back with me to have Thanksgiving with me and my family,” Nursey explains.

 

What follows can only be described as the performance of Dex’s lifetime because even as the pinched look on Andrew’s face grows more pronounced, Dex draws strength from some well of fortitude and keeps his expression neutral. Internally, the petty and possessive parts of him start chuckling and quickly begin to cackle with crazed, unfettered glee.

 

_Nursey is mine, you pathetic fucking bum. You fucked up in the worst fucking dumbest ways, so now Nursey is mine and you’re never getting him back._

 

“Cool,” Andrew lies, fooling no one. “That’s cool.”

 

An awkward silence falls upon the situation as none of them quite know what to say next, so Andrew takes the opportunity to steamroll ahead. “Well, I was wondering, would you want to maybe get coffee sometime? Or grab some lunch?”

 

“No,” Nursey delivers, and Dex isn’t surprised at the answer, but he wasn’t expecting the curtness.

 

“Oh,” Andrew says. “Well-”

 

“Andrew,” Nursey cuts off, clearly reaching the end of what Dex has to admit is a sizable amount of patience. “Everything is chill and I don’t hold anything against you, but you’re a fundamentally shitty person so we’re not going to hang out soon, or probably ever again.”

 

Dex is trying not to look like the captivated audience member of an amazingly entertaining show, but there’s no way he’s succeeding.

 

“Oh,” Andrew repeats dumbly, jaw agape, blinking slow and looking exactly like the clueless idiot he is.

 

“But, anyway man,” Nursey says, seamlessly wrapping things up. “Have a good brunch and have a good rest of the semester, you know?”

 

“Thanks,” Andrew responds, before finally closing his mouth, turning around, and walking away.

 

Dex watches as Andrew goes to the other side of the restaurant and waits for as long as he can before it tumbles out. “That was so fucking sick.”

 

Nursey glances at him for a moment before looking back down at the menu, and he seems amused but there’s something else in his face that Dex can’t read.

 

Suddenly, he remembers why Nursey didn’t go to Shitty’s party. He remembers finding Nursey at Spring C and the night at the Marsh and the fight at the Luna Lounge, and all the laughter and cackling in his head dies down to a stark, sober quiet.

 

“Was that,” Dex starts. “Did that bring up any like, bad memories? I mean, are you feeling okay?”

 

Nursey looks back up at him and Dex is pleased to see the small, private smile again.

 

“Poindexter,” Nursey starts, taking Dex’s hand across the table and gazing at him, eyes bright. “I can honestly tell you I’ve never been better.”

 

Dex laces their fingers together and manages to grin back despite feeling forcefully struck, overwhelmed by the burgeoning warmth in his chest. He’s able to chuckle a bit at the recurring realization that he is indisputably, unequivocally, and categorically helpless. With any luck, he thinks, he’ll stay that way.

 

By some miracle they agree on splitting a big order, and they spend the rest of brunch going back and forth over a huge stack of the pumpkin pancakes about syrup and basketball and comics, and anything, and everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the vibe for Use Somebody is nice and sweet and acoustic like the Paramore cover, to tell you the truth ever since "you'd totally sing to me" I just am in LOVE with the idea of Dex actually having a really nice voice?? And using it to soothe the love of his life??? I'm a ridiculous sap???


	3. I'm ready, now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> with all that future talk at the end of the last chapter I thought hmm...what COULD the future look like for them? So here's one of my takes, set thirty ish(?) years from now. 
> 
> In this universe, Nursey’s sister was a surrogate and Dex was the donor so their kids are Black gingers, Blake Griffin is the vibe for their son and the model Sabina Karlsson is the vibe for their daughter. 
> 
> Also their daughter calls Dex Daddy in this fic and I’m not trying to be rude but please don’t like…bring any weird Tumblr kink energy to that because she’s a teenage girl and that’s normal. Alright here we go.

It’s four in the afternoon when he gets back home. The house smells incredible, and the scents of whatever delicious thing Dex is making beckon him to the kitchen. He walks past their large, lazy and lounging Golden Retriever to find his spouse at the stove. “Hey, Poindexter.”

 

Dex rests his knife and greets him with a kiss. “Hey, Nurse.”

 

“What’s in the oven?”

 

“Pork tenderloin and vegetables.”

 

“Mm,” Derek hums, drawing it out. “Please tell me it’s the soy ginger pork tenderloin.”

 

“It is indeed.”

 

“I am _counting down_ the seconds until dinner.”

 

Dex picks up the strawberries he’s chopped and adds them to the fruit salad he’s making. “How was school?”

 

Derek leans back on the counter, crosses his arms and smiles. “I love when you ask me that like I’m one of the kids,” he says, as Dex lets out of a few chuckles. “School was great. I was thinking a lot about my students today, and how so many of them are just, so…You know, when I was their age I wanted to be a successful poet or writer, but they all want to be Nelson Mandela. You know, like the kind of writing they want to do is… like, Dr. King writing letters from a Birmingham jail.”

 

Dex nods his understanding as Nursey continues. “I love it, they inspire me. Today, we had a nice little social justice smack down in the classroom, too.”

 

“Oh boy,” Dex answers, cutting the pineapple into pieces. “I know how much you love those.”

 

“I sure do.”

 

“What was it about?”

 

“Gender bias in literary criticism.”

 

“Right up your alley.”

 

“Exactly,” Nursey agrees. “The girls are amazing. Not to sound like a misandrist, but these class discussions would be nothing without them.”

 

“Nurse, you _are_ a misandrist.”

 

“That’s true,” he concedes, “But I love all my kids equally.”

 

The sentence sits in the air for a beat before he corrects it. “I mean students. When I say kids, I mean students.”

 

“Sweetheart,” Dex says, kindly. “No, you don’t.”

 

A laugh springs forth and grows as Dex elaborates, and Nursey moves closer. “It’s alright,” he assures, with a half-shrug. “It’s alright that we have two kids at home and a thousand or two in the Department of English at Harvard University. I made my peace with that a long time ago.”

 

They chuckle in tandem and Nursey wraps his arms around Dex, planting a kiss on his neck. He takes a second to stop and stare, admiring the freckles he’ll surely never get tired of. In the moment that follows, he remembers his literary agent’s email from that morning and he opens his mouth to tell Dex, but for one reason or another the words don’t make it. Speedily, he switches gears and asks a question instead. “Did you work from home today?”

 

Dex is newly tense and apprehensive. “Yeah.”

 

Nursey’s gaze remains adoring, but the sudden change in his husband’s disposition now also makes it scrutinizing. “How was it?”

 

“It was fine, it was fine,” Dex repeats in a rush, shaking his head. “It was fine.”

 

Nursey blinks at him. “What was _that_?”

 

“I just,” Dex exhales with a sigh, as he pushes the cutting board away. “I don’t know.”

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing’s wrong, It’s just that… I used to _do_ so much more, you know? I used to solve problems and answer questions and do interesting things, and now I just…supervise and babysit people who do interesting things,” Dex finishes, as Nursey nods. “Even though it’s stupid and ridiculous to complain about a great job that pays me a ton of money.”

 

It’s a notion they’ve visited and revisited over the years, so Nursey has his line ready. “You’re allowed to be dissatisfied about nice and wonderful things if they’re not what you need.”

 

Dex acquiesces the point silently, with a slight tilt of his head.

 

“You should ask them if your role could be more hands-on and in touch with the actual programming.”

 

“That’s a good idea,” he agrees, going back to the watermelon.

 

“Or, you should take a sabbatical where you’ll have time to really think and see if this is still the career you want.”

 

The scoff that comes from Dex makes it sound like Nursey proposed a trip to the Moon. “Why are you always trying to send me on vacation?”

 

“Because you work yourself to the bone and you need one.”

 

“I haven’t worked as hard as you say I do in nearly ten years.”

 

“Only because I have to stay vigilant and fight you about it.”

 

Dex makes a show of pausing before he speaks under the pretense of consideration. “I’ll think about it.”

 

“That’s what you always tell me,” Nursey pushes. “You always tell me that.”

 

“What would I even do with all my time?”

 

“Take Bailey to the dog park, do your projects around the house, read.”

 

“I could enjoy that for about four or five days before wanting to shoot myself in the head,” Dex drones, as he covers the bowl and puts it in the fridge. “Plus, I hate the idea of not working for that long.”

 

“Okay,” Nursey starts, angling to get to the root of the matter. “Is it that you feel like not working and making money would make you less of a man?”

 

“ _Wow_ ,” Dex exclaims, closing the refrigerator door with a flourish. “Do you think you could warn me when the psychoanalysis is coming up? Could I get a few more minutes of chatting with my husband before the session starts?”

 

“Okay,” Nursey concedes, holding his hands up. “Okay. I just hate the idea of you being unfulfilled at work.”

 

“I’m not unfulfilled at work. I’m just a little bored, but I’m fine.”

 

“I just want you to be h-”

 

“Happy,” Dex finishes, stepping closer and pulling Nursey into him. “I know. You’re always looking out for me.”

 

“Well, it _is_ part of the vows.”

 

“Mm,” Dex hums, bringing a hand up to Nursey’s face, leisurely scratching the beard. “Those pesky vows. It’s too bad, because you could have been free a long time ago if it weren’t for them.”

 

“Yes, it certainly is the tragedy of my life that I haven’t yet liberated myself from the prison that is our marriage.”

 

Dex chuckles into the kiss, and they bask in each other until the oven’s timer goes off and Dex turns the heat down.

 

“Where’s Bash,” Nursey asks. “Basketball practice?”

 

“Actually, I think it’s mathletes today.”

 

“You’re wrong for that.”

 

“It’s what they are,” Dex returns, remorseless. “They’ve just rebranded because they understandably don’t like the way mathletes sounds.”

 

“Speaking of Sebastian,” Nursey begins, remembering the morning’s ride to school. “Have you noticed an attitude change with him lately?”

 

“Oh, you mean George Clooney? You mean our son, Brad Pitt?”

 

“ _What_ is going on?”

 

“I think he’s gotten quite the ego boost because freshmen usually aren’t good enough to be on the varsity team.”

 

“Okay, that makes sense.”

 

“What _I_ don’t understand is the hair,” Dex says, as he grabs a towel to wipe the counter down. “I mean I’m not going to say anything but I do want to ask him why he’s spending fourteen hours a day on his hair now.”

 

“I think the ladies might like it a little styled.”

 

Dex solemnly shakes his head. “Jesus Christ.”

 

“Where’s our little prima donna?”

 

“At rehearsal, naturally.”

 

“Naturally,” Nursey repeats, with a chuckle. “Where else would she be?”

 

Unable to idly stand or sit in their kitchen, Dex rinses his cooking tools and begins again. After pulling out the pan from the cupboard, he reaches into their pantry for dried fruit and almond flour; Nursey realizes he’s going to bake the oat bars he started making after finally giving up on the hopes that their teenagers would ever get up early enough to have enough time to sit down and eat breakfast.

 

“You know,” Nursey starts, as he thinks about their twins. “I love when the kids have these moments where I just…see so much of you in them. The other day, Bash was building one of his models for his physics class and he had the same Poindexter Focus Face when you’re doing something. He looked just like you.”

 

“I had the same thing with Jordy the other day,” Dex responds, with a pleased grin. “She was asking me about her play and if the symbolism was good, and just the way she asked me brought me right back to you and me at the Haus, one of those finals weeks. ‘Yo, Poindexter can I talk my thesis out to you because it’s clear in my head but mad incoherent when I type it out’,” Dex imitates, and Nursey smiles at the memory.

 

“So, it’s a play,” he continues, holding his hand out for Dex to drop dried cranberries into. “I thought it was a dance recital.”

 

“From what I understand, it’s some kind of ballet musical about flowers that come to life in a garden so she’s speaking and singing and dancing too.”

 

Nursey lets out a snort. “Typical Jordan.”

 

“Textbook,” Dex agrees. “Textbook Jordan.”

 

Dex reaches into the cabinet behind the top of the fridge and brings one of his cookbooks out. At this point, Nursey knows he has the measurements and procedures committed to memory, but he also knows that Dex can’t help but double check.

 

“And on the subject,” Dex continues, as he opens the book. “I’m concerned about this Danny she can’t seem to stop talking about.”

 

Nursey shrugs. “She tells me they’re just friends.”

 

Dex says ‘and you believe that?’ with nothing but the upturn of his eyebrows.  

 

“But I do think it’s going to become something more,” Nursey grants, able to acknowledge what’s on the horizon.

 

Dex clenches his jaw and strikes the pages, flipping through the cookbook with force. “I think she’s too young to date.”

 

“I don’t think fifteen is too young.”

 

“Well, it’s our house. We can have rules.”

 

“Okay, what are the rules?”

 

“No dating.”

 

“You can’t be serious.”

 

“No dating until marriage.”

 

“No dating until marriage?”

 

“No dating until college.”

 

“Poindexter.”

 

“Well either way, I need to know who he is so he needs to come by the house for dinner before any date of any kind occurs,” Dex asserts, moving his hand in a firm ‘no’ gesture. “And, that’s just non-negotiable.”

 

Nursey inches toward Dex and wraps an arm around his back, bringing his hand up and down Dex’s side in a smooth, soothing motion. “What you say goes,” he coos, placating. “You’re the boss, the big chief, the man of the house.”

 

“Stop it,” Dex snaps, but the grin triumphs over his irritation. “You should be comforting me right now.”

 

“Comforting you about _what_?”

 

“Teenage boys going after Jordy is quite literally what my nightmares are made of, and it’s happening right before my very eyes.”

 

“Poindexter,” Nursey says, taking a moment’s pause before saying a phrase he’s said no fewer than a million times in their years together. “Chill.”

 

Dex looks forlorn and apprehensive, but he says nothing else as he opens up his bag of flour.

 

\---

 

On Saturday, Derek returns and finds Dex standing at the island, reading the paper.

 

“Good morning,” Dex greets, as he sets the paper down.

 

“Good morning,” Derek responds, with a kiss. He drops the bags down and as he starts going through the groceries, Dex looks at Nursey with clear amusement. “Did you enjoy shopping at your favorite store?”

 

Derek takes the muesli out of the bag with one hand and points directly at Will with the other. “Do not start with me.”

 

“I’m only asking a simple question,” his husband lies, grinning.

 

“No you’re not,” Nursey argues, as he opens the cupboard. “You’re about to give me shit for going to Whole Foods.”

 

“I’m just entertained by how much you like to spend money.”

 

“Oh my _God_ , Poindexter,” Nursey laments, with an embellished eye roll. “I spend money because we _have_ money.”

 

Dex smiles and opens his mouth, but Nursey gets ahead of him. “And I won’t hear another word, because you make me sound like I sold the cars and wiped out the kids’ college fund to finance my expensive Whole Foods habit when that’s not the case at all. I’m sick and tired of you.”

 

They’re both laughing now as Dex pulls Nursey into him, kissing him through his fake protests. “You are so irritating,” Nursey complains, besotted, before another kiss. “You drive me up the wall.”

 

They pull apart to finish putting the groceries away, and he’s grabbing Dex’s tapioca flour when he remembers the encounter he had.

 

“Baby,” he starts, leaning on the counter. “Do you remember someone named Andrew Christensen? I ran into him at Whole Foods and he went to Samwell with us but I felt so bad because I didn’t remember him at all.”

 

Dex looks over from where he’s rinsing off an apple and hums as he dries it. “The name sounds vaguely familiar but I can’t place it.”

 

“Me neither, I just had to fake it during our entire chat. I hope he couldn’t tell.”

 

“I’m sure he didn’t.”

 

After Nursey puts the flour away, he glances around their kitchen and takes note of the fact that they’re alone. It’s the perfect opportunity to bring up the email and the kids could come down any moment, so he has to drum up the nerve to seize it.

 

“I wanted to talk to you about something,” he blurts, and Dex’s hand freezes as it reaches for their coffee pot.

 

“Okay,” he responds, turning to face Nursey fully.

 

“I got an email from Gabrielle, and…HBO loves Orchard Road. They want to make it into a miniseries, and they want me to be in the writer’s room as head writer.”

 

Surprise transforms Dex’s face at a slow, gradual pace. “What?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“That’s amazing,” Dex exclaims, as his excitement builds.

 

“Well, I don’t know if I’m going to do it yet.”

 

His eyebrows come together in confusion. “Why wouldn’t you?”

 

“I’d have to be in Los Angeles for a few months.”

 

“We’ll figure it out,” Dex shrugs, unbothered. “We’ve done it before.”

 

“Yeah, but I hated it. I hated how much time I spent away from the kids when I was on the book tour and I still feel like a shitty dad for that.”

 

“Derek, those kids couldn’t have asked for a more devoted father than you. You stayed on top of _everything_ in their lives from all over the country. Halfway across the world even, when you were in Europe.”

 

“Well, I was definitely a shitty husband.”

 

“You absolutely were not.”

 

His residual feelings of guilt persist, but they’re slightly tampered by Dex’s defense of his partnership and parenting. “Still…I hate the distance.”

 

“Do you know when they would want you in LA?”

 

“No, it’s still pretty early.”

 

“Well, you should ask them if it could be in the summer and then you could take the kids with you. They’d _kill_ to spend a summer in Los Angeles.”

 

“That’s an idea,” Derek nods, wrapping his arms around Will’s torso as another one comes to him. “And if you take that sabbatical I want, I could take you with me, too.”

 

Dex smirks with pleased resignation. “I suppose you could.”

 

They look at each other for a moment and the reverent wonder in Dex’s gaze reaches Nursey at his core. “HBO,” Dex says in a near whisper, grazing Nursey’s arms with his hands.

 

“Not a bad little network,” Nursey responds.

 

“Congratulations.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“Look at you,” Dex announces, with a quick glance downward. “Brilliant, somehow even sexier now than you were in college.”

 

Nursey snorts, unconvinced. “You need to get your eyes checked.”

 

“I don’t think so,” Dex murmurs, pulling them closer together. “You have no idea what the salt-and-pepper does to me,” he continues, as Nursey laughs into a kiss. “You have no clue.”

 

Naturally, right as their beautiful and romantic moment begins, their teenagers loudly and unceremoniously clomp down the stairs.

 

“Morning, Dads,” they say in perfect twin unison, as they storm into the kitchen.

 

“Hey guys,” their parents answer.

 

“Daddy,” Jordan calls, in her sweetest voice.

 

“Yeah, honey?”

 

“Could you make pancakes today?”

 

“Ooh,” Sebastian adds, eyes beseeching Dex as he opens the fridge. “Please?”

 

“Alright,” Dex decides, and the children cheer. “But now that you guys are up I’m pointing out that the yard is a mess and the house is in shambles. You need to do some cleaning up and while I’m making the pancakes, you can start with the living room.”

 

“Got it,” they agree, before going off to start their chores.

 

Nursey shakes his head and scoffs as he watches Dex walk over to the fridge and start taking ingredients out. “I’m still surprised you haven’t started making them say things like ‘aye, aye captain’ or ‘sir, yes sir’.”

 

“Here we go.”

 

“Bash leaves _one_ video game controller on the couch and Jordy leaves _one_ pair of shoes in the hallway and all of a sudden the house is a disaster.”

 

“You need to understand that today your sweet precious babies are my employees and I’m putting them to work,” Dex retorts, bringing a hand up to Nursey’s face. “But you’ll have all day to spoil and coddle them tomorrow, okay sweetheart? How does that sound?”

 

“It’s remarkable how you’ll tell me I’m too soft with the kids when I have never seen _anything_ like the way you spoil Bailey.”

 

Dex purses his lips and attempts to bite the smile down. “Untrue.”

 

“You serve and worship that dog like she’s the queen of the universe.”

 

“Another false and unfounded accusation,” Dex retorts, openly smiling now.

 

Dex has curbed their culinary excesses in middle age so before he asks the question, Nursey prepares himself for an answer he doesn’t want. “Can I have a few chocolate chips in my pancakes?”

 

“I’ll allow one or two,” his parole officer says, and Nursey rolls his eyes.

 

“Do you want a helper?”

 

“Are you going to drop my mixing bowl and spill all the pancake batter onto the floor?”

 

“I won’t,” Nursey assures, before remembering their last joint cooking venture and making an addendum. “This time I won’t.”

 

To Nursey’s delight, the pancake making goes off without a hitch and he lovingly, smugly looks at his husband as breakfast is served. They all take their usual spots around the island and in the blink of an eye, the kids are scrolling through their phones.

 

“Jojo,” Sebastian implores, across the island. “What is this comment?”

 

Her response is muffled through a sizable bite of pancake. “What comment?”

 

“This comment under my photo? ‘l-m-a-o-o-o hashtag not your BMW’ and the crying laughing emoji?”

 

“Because you posed in front of the car and put “Bimmer Boy” as the caption but it’s not your BMW, it’s Poppa’s.”

 

“Okay, but you don’t have to get in the comments and expose me though.”

 

“Alright, Sebby,” she relents, rolling her eyes. “I’ll delete it.”

 

Pleased, Sebastian returns to his phone and moves on. “Also, where were you yesterday?”

 

“When?”

 

“During study hall.”

 

“Oh, I just did study hall in the library with Danny.”

 

Nursey glances down the island just in time to watch Dex clench his jaw and stretch his neck.

 

“Okay, well could you look at my essay for English? It’s due Tuesday.”

 

“Yeah, for sure.”

 

“I heard you guys have a big math test next week. You ready?”

 

“Yeah and you don’t even have to worry about helping me, Danny took it last year so he’s been tutoring me.”

 

Sebastian nods once before going back to his phone. “Cool.”

 

Nursey takes a disappointed, exasperated look around at his family, suddenly and overwhelmingly feeling as though he’s had enough. “Everyone has thirty seconds of technology left.”

 

“Jordy,” Dex says, tapping his iPad. “When do you need those set pieces for your play?”

 

“I need to bring them in on Wednesday.”

 

“Okay, do you want to finish them this afternoon?”

 

“Well, Danny has a baseball game I wanted to go to, but maybe when I come back later on? Or tomorrow morning?”  

 

Dex flares his nostrils but to his credit, his face stays blank. “Tomorrow morning sounds good.”

 

He returns to his iPad, types a few words out and stares at it for a beat before addressing his son. “Okay, Bash?”

 

“What’s up, Dad?”

 

“I’m gonna need your help next weekend because the carburetor for the Jag is finally coming in.”

 

 _“_ Wow, _yes_ , yeah, _yes,_ ” Sebastian jabbers, nodding emphatically. “ _Yes._ ”

 

“Maybe on Saturday, I want us to get up and start early because there’s a lot to do.”

 

“For sure, a hundred percent.”

 

Jordan leans forward with enthusiastic mischief. “When the car gets fixed up, are you gonna let me drive it?”

 

“You want to _drive_ the _1964 Jaguar E-Type_ , _”_ Sebastian exclaims, shock broadcasted through every syllable. “Are you _on crack_? _Hell_ no.”

 

“Sebastian,” Dex scolds, stern. “Language.”

 

“Sorry,” he says to his sister, holding his hands up. “ _Heck_ no.”

 

“I obviously mean after I get my license.”

 

“No one is driving that car, it’s staying in the garage where it can be safe.”

 

“Safe? What are you talking about?”

 

“Look, some cars are too nice to drive because you could get into a crash and ruin them so it’s just better if you don’t drive them.”

 

“What’s the point of a car you don’t drive?”

 

“Jojo, cars like that are like art. You don’t do anything with them, you just have them.”

 

“Cars are _not_ art.”

 

“Yeah well, they’re actually better than art, so.”

 

“I think we’re at a point where even if Jesus himself came down from the sky and asked nicely, Bash still wouldn’t even let him _touch_ the car,” Dex interjects, as Nursey and Jordan start to chuckle. “I don’t think he’d even let Jesus _sit_ inside, let alone drive it.”

 

“Dad, you’re literally right though,” Sebastian affirms, as the rest of them laugh. “Like, that’s literally true.”

 

 

\-----

 

It’s Thursday evening and the gym is buzzing. The game is well-attended, Nursey notes, as he takes stock of the room. Sebastian’s team is down by seven when halftime starts, but he watches his son take feedback from his coach with no visible anger or frustration. Sebastian is focused, calm and collected as he talks to his teammates, and Nursey surveys the scene with a gust of pride.

He uses the minutes that Dex is in the bathroom to sort through the nagging questions that have been simmering and build enough certainty to speak, but when Dex returns he’s quiet, and unsure again. His mouth moves before he can overthink the inquiry any further.

 

“Poindexter,” Nursey starts, turning towards Dex.

 

“Yes, dear?”

 

“I’ve been thinking about the show, and…I wanted to ask you something.”

 

Will waits. “Okay.”

 

“Do you…think you’d…want to move to Los Angeles, maybe?”

 

His eyebrows reach towards the ceiling. “What?”

 

“If I love writing for television, after the kids go to college we could…sell the house or rent it out and live in L.A. for a bit. What do you think?”

 

Dex scratches his neck and drags his eyes across the basketball court as he absorbs Nursey’s words. After a few moments of consideration, he brings his gaze back to Nursey and cocks his head to the side. “My initial reaction is that this is a crazy idea, but…well, I followed you to New York after college, I followed you to New Haven for grad school, and I followed you to Boston to start a family and…to your credit, it’s all worked out fairly well for me.”

 

“First of all,” Nursey protests, lifting his hand and pointing a finger upward. “We moved to Boston _together_ to start a family and secondly, you loved New Haven. You even ended up liking New York.”

 

“I ended up _loving_ New York,” Dex corrects, “But the fact remains that if it weren’t for you, I would have returned to the wilds of Maine a long time ago.”

 

Nursey shakes his head, delivering a full-throated guffaw at the old term. “You are so full of it.”

 

“Derek, had it not been for you I would have moved to Augusta, been the sole computer programmer for miles and lived my peaceful life in the forest.”

 

“And even with all this yearning you clearly still have for the wilderness…you would move to _Los Angeles_?”

 

Dex takes his hand, squeezes gently and gives Nursey the same look he’s given him every time they’ve packed up all their things and started over somewhere new. The look that says ‘I’d let you take me anywhere, I’d leave for you in the middle of the night, I’d follow you to the ends of the Earth.’ Dex half smirks, eyes sparkling with amusement as he responds. “Well, I can’t exactly let you go through your mid-life crisis by yourself, can I?”

 

Derek’s grin matches his as he squeezes back, and counts his blessings. “I guess not.”

 

Jordan joins them just as halftime comes to an end, and Nursey thinks to himself that rehearsal must have ended early. She sets her backpack down and greets her parents. “Hey, Dads.”

 

“Hey, honey,” Dex responds, in tandem with Nursey’s “Hey, Jordy.”

 

Jordan cheers as her brother gets back on the court, fervently clapping as she watches one of the two sports she’s ever been able to tolerate (the other one, of course, being hockey). “Alright, go get ‘em, Seb!”

 

Bash starts the second half in a slump, but they come back near the end of the third quarter and start the fourth ahead. The last ten minutes or so are a nail-biter, but they win in the final minute. Afterwards, the family of four is in good cheer as they pile into Dex’s truck. They talk about the game on the way home, and the kids get into their own little twin universe as they go inside and head up the stairs to prepare for bed.

Nursey’s tired, but he feels restless as he brushes his teeth and puts his pajamas on. He slides into bed next to Dex and sits up, ramrod straight. The emails on his phone do a decent job of distracting him from some of the thoughts that have been churning, but his body betrays his attempt to settle down. His leg shakes for a little under a minute before Dex sets a firm hand down on Nursey’s knee.

He stops the trembling, sets his book down and looks over. “What’s going on?”

 

“I’m just…thinking about our conversation earlier.”

 

“About moving to Los Angeles?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“What about it?”

 

“Poindexter, this whole thing is idiotic,” he begins, as the insecurities smoothly flow outward. “I’ve never written for television before and I don’t know why I think I’ll suddenly be able to.”

 

Dex’s shoulders barely move in what must be a quarter of a shrug. “You will.”

 

“It’s completely different from writing a novel.”

 

“You’ll adapt to the differences.”

 

“I have no idea what I’m doing.”

 

“You’ll figure it out.”

 

Nursey shakes his head at the swift confidence of Dex’s counterpoints. “How do you have such…unfailing and unwavering faith in me?”

 

“Because," Dex starts, locking eyes with Nursey as he brings his knuckles up to graze the beard. "I’ve been betting on you for close to thirty years now, and I haven’t lost once.”

 

Nursey kisses him, overwhelmed by love. “Thank you.”

 

“You’re welcome,” Dex answers, closing his book and placing it on the nightstand. “Now, are you finally ready to settle down and get to sleep?”

 

“Almost.”

 

Dex lets out a long, put-upon sigh. “What else is there?”

 

“I’m just pretty stressed out, Poindexter. I could use a song.”

 

“Oh my God, you are _not_ that stressed out.”

 

“I _am,_ ” Nursey pesters, with hyperbole. _“_ Besides, don’t you care about keeping the romance alive in our marriage?”

 

“Oh, sweetheart,” Dex coos, tender. “Of course I don’t.”

 

Nursey laughs as Dex takes off his reading glasses and turns off the lamp. “Come here,” he says, and Nursey obliges, laying down and snuggling into his chest. “What song do you want?”

 

He thinks back to the Beach Boys one Dex would sing to him when the kids were younger, and his fears of being a terrible parent would stave off sleep. He remembers when he was writing the book proposal, and the Beatles song was the only thing that could quiet the anxieties of impostor syndrome. The Fleetwood Mac song comes to mind, from the days before marriage and children were even an idea, and his thesis was keeping him up at night. All of them are excellent choices, but another song comes to him on a whim. “The Elton John one.”

Dex obeys, tightening his hold and tucking the top of Nursey’s head under his chin as he starts to croon. “It’s little bit funny, this feeling inside, I’m not one of those who can, easily hide.”

 

Just like that, the strain and stresses of the day are sedated and Nursey is cradled by the warm, dulcet abundance of Dex’s voice.

 

“And you can tell every body, this is your song, it may be quite simple but, now that it’s done, I hope you don’t mind, I hope you don’t mind, that I put down in words…how wonderful life is, while you’re in the world.”

 

Nursey falls asleep peaceably, soothed by the melody and anchored by the heartbeat of his lifeline.

 

\---

 

In the decades he’s been a witness to Dex’s cooking, he’s never seen bell peppers and tomatoes be chopped so furiously, and with such resentment. Their Sunday at home started beautifully; they’d walked Bailey as a family after a lovely breakfast and Nursey could feel the contentment coming from Dex like low, thrumming radio waves. As the evening approached, he watched helplessly as the peacefulness turned into vicious, angry tension.

Their daughter’s gentleman caller was set to be their dinner guest for the evening, and Dex’s stress levels were plainly and evidently clambering to their highest possible heights, doing so with animated and abandoned zeal.

 

“Baby,” Nursey whispers, bringing a hand up to massage the knot in Dex’s left shoulder. “Are you alright?”

 

“I’m fine,” Dex fibs, stirring the sauce. “Just fine.”

 

“Why don’t you have a glass of wine?”

 

“No, thank you.”

 

Derek inhales, takes another sip of his wine, and begins the task of mentally preparing himself for whatever Fate has in store for their evening. As the last hour before dinner ticks down, he sets the table with the help of his children and answers the door when the bell rings.

They get off to a tense start. 

The usually chatty and gregarious Sebastian seems to be checked out and Dex’s stern, silent glare alternates between his plate and the terrified teenage boy to his left. With the other two clearly out of commission, it’s up to Nursey and Jordan to drive the conversation.

 

“So,” Nursey begins, “Jordan tells me your family is from Puerto Rico.”

 

“Y-yes,” Daniel replies, after finishing a bite. “I was actually born there, and we moved here when I was ten. I go back every summer to visit my aunts and uncles and grandparents.”

 

“Oh, that’s great,” Nursey offers. “That must be fun.”

 

“It i- it is,” Daniel says, and he’s smiling but Nursey can see the poor kid is sweating bullets.

 

The three of them aim to have pleasant dinner conversation and do so to a limited degree, but Nursey watches with sorrow as Danny seeks to gain Dex’s favor.

 

“By the way sir,” he says, turning to Dex. “This chicken is great, it’s amazing. It’s delicious, it’s just. It’s just…the best chicken.”

 

Dex’s stern, silent glare changes in that it becomes no longer silent. “Thank you. I’m glad you like it.”

 

At some point, Daniel gets up to go to bathroom and Nursey’s glad that he can get a break from Dex’s presence. Jordan waits for him to go down the hall, listens for the sound of the door closing, and turns to the warden.

 

“Daddy,” she implores. “Do you think you could…not stare as hard?”

 

Dex has the brazen, unmitigated gall to look surprised. “I’m not staring that hard.”

 

“Poppa,” Jordan counters, turning to him and putting him in the spotlight.

 

“Well,” Nursey starts, with the hopes of finding a decent middle ground between the two. “This isn’t the hardest you’ve ever stared but there is a bit of that going on.”

 

“I’m relaxed,” Dex lies for the second time that day, as he holds his hands up. “I’m completely at ease.”

 

When Daniel returns from the bathroom, Nursey presents the friendliest smile he can muster to offset the obstinate grump sitting across from him. “So, what’d you guys get up to today?”

 

“We saw a movie that was kind of a mystery but kind of a horror movie,” Daniel answers, “And the whole thing was set underwater.”

 

Sebastian, who’d barely been paying attention up until this point, speaks up. “You guys saw The Dark Reef?”

 

“Oh,” Jordan says, as though she’s suddenly remembering something. “Yeah, but it was really good so I’m totally down to see it again after school on Friday like we were going to.”

 

“I mean if you already saw it, it’s whatever,” Sebastian shrugs. “Anyway, I think Mike and Tyler and them were gonna see it on Friday, so I’ll just go with them.”

 

“Okay,” Jordan answers, quietly. “Cool.”

 

The slowly unfurling and painfully awkward train wreck that is Sunday night dinner eventually, mercifully, comes to an end. Daniel leaves and after the kids clear the table, Dex wordlessly helps him load the dishwasher. The years that have gone by have taught Nursey that this is only the calm before the storm so he plans his counter-arguments as he gets his bag ready for the morning, brushes his teeth, and changes into his pajamas.

 

Derek climbs into bed next to Will, sits up and folds his hands in his lap. “Go ahead.”

 

“First of all,” Dex grumbles. “I don’t like the earring.”

 

Nursey thinks back to the small stud Daniel had in his ear and wants to point out that Dex married someone with tattoos, but he chooses something more diplomatic. “I think it’s stylish.”

 

“I don’t like that he’s older.”

 

“I don’t think a year is that bad.”

 

“I don’t like that he’s a star athlete.”

 

“Sebastian is a star athlete,” Nursey points out.

 

“Yes, and if Sebastian had interest in a girl and her father had serious questions for him I would completely understand because we all know how teenage boys are, _particularly_ when they’re athletic and well-liked.”

 

Nursey pinches the bridge of his nose and lets out a long, weary sigh. “What do you want to do, Poindexter? You want to lock her up in a tower that’s guarded by a dragon?”

 

“A moat might be enough but if dragons existed, I would look into it.”

 

“William, really.”

 

“What about an all-girls boarding school?”

 

“Oh my- A little bit of puppy love and now you want an all-girls boarding school?”

 

“ _You_ went to a boarding school.”

 

“Not like this.”

 

“Okay, so I’m just unreasonable and out of my mind.”

 

Nursey switches gears to try to get Dex off the defensive and help him see his point of view. “I think you can get overprotective with Jordan because she’s always been Daddy’s Little Princess, but we have to face the fact that she’s a young woman now.”

 

Dex crosses his arms and looks to the side. “That’s true.”

 

Derek knows better than to think his moment of peace will be anything more than short-lived and as he expects, Will swiftly returns with his next point of contention. “You noticed he has a car.”

 

“I _did_ notice he has a car,” Nursey confirms.

 

“And I suppose I’m the bad guy if I ask for his driving record to make sure he’s a safe driver.”

 

“I think we can have a conversation about safe driving without making it a background check.”

 

Dex scoffs, furious now. “This is so terrible.”

 

“What are you going to do when she gets married?”

 

“Clearly die of a heart attack, Nurse.”

 

“Speaking of which, I need you to take a couple calming breaths right now.”

 

Dex makes a show of obliging, even allowing Nursey a few blissful moments of silence before he pushes again. “Well, can I ask for a couple of report cards to make sure he’s a good student at least?”

 

Nursey drops reason, meets Dex where he is and leans in. “Well, why stop there?”

 

Dex pauses, confused and caught off guard. “What do you mean?”

 

“I think we should ask for a notarized birth certificate.”

 

“Alright-”

 

“I’m serious,” Nursey cuts off, gaining steam. “I think we should make sure his Social Security card isn’t forged and while we’re at it, next time he comes to dinner we should take some fingerprints off his water glass and find a way to check them in a criminal database.”

 

Dex purses his lips and Nursey can finally start to see some sense settle in. “Is that really how I sound?”

 

“ _Yes_ , you crazy man.”

 

“Okay,” Dex relents, holding his hands up. “Okay.”

 

“Baby,” Nursey starts, as softly as he can. “I don’t want to upset you, but soon I’m going to talk to Jordy about going to the gynecologist and starting a dialogue about safe sex and maybe even birth control.”

 

“Oh my God, Nursey,” Dex says, and Nursey can hear Dex’s blood pressure shoot up. “Nursey, oh my God.”

 

“Shh,” Nursey soothes, bringing Dex into his chest and rubbing his hand up and down his back. “It’s okay. It’ll be alright.”

 

 

\---

 

 

On Wednesday afternoon, Nursey knocks on Jordan’s door. He hears her tell him to come in and takes a breath. They’d had a much more clinical, scientific conversation in middle school but this was a whole other animal. As he turns the knob, he can only hope the Googling he’s done has been sufficient.

 

“Hey, Jordy,” he greets, walking in and plopping down at her desk.

 

She’s sitting on her bed and leaned against the headboard, scrolling and typing on her laptop. “Hey, Poppa. What’s up?”

 

“Jordan,” he starts, setting a hand down on her knee. “We have to talk about sex.”

 

His daughter is simply, plainly mortified. “Oh my God.”

 

“I know, but we have to.”

 

She closes her laptop, sets it to the side, and gives him her full attention. “Okay.”

 

“I just want to start by saying, that…I would like you to be a little older when it happens, and I do think your first time should be with someone who’s also a good friend to you, and who cares about you and respects you, that you know you can trust.”

 

Jordan looks down at her knees and nods.

 

“That being said, I just want to say no matter when it happens or how it happens, if you don’t like the way he’s talking to you or the way he’s touching you, you can always say no. You don’t have to explain why and if he gets mad, that’s not your problem to fix. You’re allowed to be uncomfortable and you’re allowed to tell him to stop or leave whenever you want. And no matter where you are, no matter what time it is, if you need me to come get you, I’ll always come get you. And you won’t be in trouble, and I won’t be upset. Okay?”

 

“Okay,” she answers, biting her lip. “Even though, it’s. It’s not like that. Like, we’re not, like…doing anything.”

 

“Okay, I just want you to know you can tell me if things do start happening.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“And if they do, I think we should go to the doctor and talk about ways to stay safe, and ask about birth control.”

 

“Wow,” she breathes, eyes wide. “That’s really intense.”

 

“It’s okay if you’re not ready right now but I do want us to start talking about it.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“And if you do just want to talk about how things are making you feel, you know you can always come to me.”

 

“I know.”

 

“And Dad too.”

 

Jordan scoffs and rolls her eyes. “Yeah, right.”

 

“I know he’s a little bit…I’m working on him.”

 

She looks down at her hands as she wrings them, and when she speaks again her voice is small. “Is he mad at me?”

 

Nursey is taken aback. “Who, Dad?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Of course not, why do you think that?”

 

“I just. I don’t know, I feel like he’s mad at me because he doesn’t like Danny.”

 

“Oh, honey, no. No, no, no. I’ll talk to him, okay? I’ll talk to him.”

 

“Okay. Thanks.”

 

He opens his arms up for a hug and Jordan jumps in. “Love you, Jo.”

 

“Love you too, Poppa.”

 

The kids’ busy schedules made weeknight dinners an anomaly and by some miracle, Dex managed to wrangle one in the middle of theatre rehearsals and basketball season. Despite Dex’s protests, Nursey decides that his hardworking husband deserves a well-earned break from being their chef, and declares the evening a takeout night. They gather around the table and Nursey happily digs into his pad see ew.

 

Sebastian is chattering up a storm, but Jordan is noticeably quieter than usual. Nursey chalks it up to teenage moodiness, but pays attention for any other clues.

 

“Jojo,” her brother addresses. “Did you watch that video I sent you?”

 

“No,” Jordan replies curtly.

 

“Okay,” Sebastian accepts, before pressing forward. “Are you going to?”

 

“No, just. Just don’t talk to me right now. I don’t want to talk to you.”

 

Nursey and Dex slowly look back and forth between their children and then at each other, silently trying to gauge what’s happening. Sebastian is also lost. “Are you serious or are you kidding?”

 

“I’m serious,” she responds, with unmistakable venom. “You’re annoying.”

 

“Okay,” Dex interjects. “What’s going on?”

 

“You should ask Sebastian.”

 

“I don’t know-”

 

“I just got off the phone with Danny and I know what happened today,” she cuts off. “So, you can stop acting dumb.”

 

Sebastian’s expression reads ‘caught, shocked and guilty’. “That was just…That was…”

 

Nursey thinks back to past times he’s seen that face and braces for the worst. “What happened with Danny today?”

 

“Nothing-”

 

“It’s not nothing,” Jordan presses.

 

“Just because your boyfriend is a big ass baby-”

 

“He’s not a baby, you’re just a jerk-”

 

“Hey,” Dex cuts in. “No more name calling. You’re both going to have time to speak without being interrupted.”

 

“I don’t even need it,” Jordan practically spits, getting up from her chair. “And it doesn’t even matter because you’re probably gonna take his side because you hate Danny too.”

 

“Jordan,” Dex calls, as she storms up towards her room.

 

“Sebastian,” he turns, as her brother does the same.

 

The two of them sit at their empty dinner table and look at each other with their mouths agape. Dex leans forward in his seat and breaks the silence. “What the hell was that?”

 

Nursey looks towards the stairs, blinks, and shakes his head. “I don’t know.”

 

“What did he even do?”

 

He nods, already thinking about the line of questioning he has for Sebastian. “I’m about to go find out.”

 

“Why did she say I hate Danny?”

 

“Poindexter, it’s obvious.”

 

Dex, for some inexplicable reason, is stunned. “I don’t even say anything.”

 

“Well, you don’t have to. Your body language speaks for itself.”

 

“Nursey,” Dex laments, weary. “What the hell do you want from me?”

 

He crosses his arms, leans back in his chair and looks Dex straight in the eye. “Acceptance.”

 

“I’m just supposed to _accept_ that he wants- that he just comes into our house and he wants, he wants to-”

 

“Wants what, William?”

 

“You _know_ what he wants! With _our_ baby!”

 

Dex isn’t incorrect and Nursey isn’t naïve, but he pushes back with optimism. “I think Danny’s a nice kid.”

 

“Popular jocks like Danny are not nice, Nursey. They _act_ nice and say what they need to say to get sweet, trusting, kindhearted girls like Jordy into bed, and once they’ve gotten what they wanted, they break their hearts with no remorse.”

 

“Okay, there is a possibility of that,” Nursey concedes. “That _is_ a bad thing that could happen to Jordy.”

 

“ _Exactly,”_ Dex urges, opening his palms toward Nursey. “ _Exactly_ what I’m saying.”

 

Derek lets out a disbelieving chuckle and shakes his head at the wonderful, protective, ridiculous man he married.

 

“Poindexter…You can’t keep every bad thing from happening to Jordan. Some of them yes and you do a great job of it, but not all of them. It’s impossible and you’ll kill yourself from the stress of trying to, not to mention run the risk of being so controlling you end up pushing her away.”

 

The telltale shift in Dex’s posture indicates that he’s taken the words to heart and that Nursey’s won, but he lets Dex take his time to respond. “Okay.” Wordlessly and without any external reaction, Nursey waits for his husband to elaborate. “Okay, I’ll talk to her. You want me to talk to Bash, too?”

 

“I got Sebastian,” he assures.

 

With great effort and a deep sigh, Dex shakes his head and gets up from their dining room table. “I’m not trying to be difficult, it’s just…really hard for me.”

 

Nursey can see that Dex could use some encouragement, so he stands up and walks around to where he is. “I know,” he acknowledges, wrapping his arms around Dex’s torso. “And even though I think you’re a lunatic, I also think you’re an amazing father and there’s no one else I’d rather do this with.”

 

“Thank you,” Dex says, with a snort, as he runs a hand up Nursey’s back. “At least I have that to hold on to in times like this.”

 

Nursey breaks their hug and pats him on the shoulder. “Good luck.”

 

“Yeah,” Dex nods, looking towards the stairs. “I need it.”

 

After Dex goes up, Nursey puts the food away. Takeout means fast and easy clean up so the table is back to normal in no time, so he’s shortly able to follow suit and head to his son’s room.

 

“Bash,” he calls, with a knock. “Can I come in?”

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian responds, and Nursey opens the door.

 

He’s sat on his bed listening to music when Nursey walks in, and he takes his headphones out as Nursey sits on the rolling chair and slides next to him.

 

“Okay,” Nursey says, leaning forward. He sets his elbows on his knees and brings his hands together. “I’m going to let you tell me what happened.”

 

“I was just talking to him,” Sebastian defends, far too quickly.

 

“Talking to him how?”

 

“I didn’t hit him,” his son responds, and Nursey can perfectly picture the scene.

 

“So, you threatened your sister’s boyfriend.”

 

“It wasn’t like that.”

 

“Okay, how was it?”

 

“Look, there’s a lot of assholes on the baseball team-”

 

“Language, Sebastian.”

 

“Sorry,” he says, tilting his head forward in acknowledgment. “There’s a lot of jerks on the baseball team who like to brag about the girls they get with, and I just wanted to let him know he wouldn’t be bragging about Jojo.”

 

“Okay, did you _hear_ that he said anything disrespectful about your sister? From him or anybody else?”

 

“Well…not yet.”

 

“Not yet, so he didn’t actually do anything, so you don’t have a good reason for picking fights.”

 

“Yeah, but it’s not just that…He’s annoying, too. It’s like he’s always here.”

 

Nursey thinks back to the handful of times Daniel has come to the house, and furrows his brow in confusion. “You feel like he’s always here?”

 

“Yeah, and just like. Always, like. Like, doing…He’s just always like, taking…”

 

Sebastian trails off and as Nursey’s perspective shifts, the situation in front of him becomes crystal clear.

 

“Whatever,” Sebastian continues, flaring his nostrils and letting out a strong, angry huff. “I’ll just…tell Jojo I’m sorry and I’ll tell Danny we’re cool, okay?”

 

Nursey thinks back to the other times Sebastian’s temper has gotten him in trouble and remembers once again that at his core and despite his best efforts, his son is deeply, incredibly sensitive.

 

“Bash,” Nursey appeals, placing a hand on his knee. “It’s okay to miss your sister.”

 

Sebastian sets his mouth and looks down towards the corner of his room.

 

“I know it’s tough to get used to the change because she’s been spending time with Danny,” Nursey continues, empathetic but firm. “But there are better ways to deal with that than acting up.”

 

Sebastian meets his eyes for a moment, giving a quick half-nod of acknowledgement before returning his gaze to the floor.

 

Nursey leans back and crosses his arms. “Are you gonna do what you need to do to fix this?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Sebastian-”

 

“Pops, I got it,” Bash pledges. “Really.”

 

Nursey stands up and ruffles his son’s carefully coiffed hair. “Goodnight, knucklehead.”

 

“Goodnight.”

 

“Love you.”

 

“Love you, too.”

 

On Nursey’s way out, Sebastian throws a peace sign up at him and he shakes his head, chuckling as he closes the door behind him.

 

\---

 

It’s Thursday evening and Nursey gets back home at seven, due to a faculty meeting that ran late. The kids are around the island on their laptops and one of Jordan’s bubblegum pop songs is playing.

 

“Hey, Pops,” Sebastian says, as Jordan takes a quick break from dancing to greet Nursey. “Hey, Poppa!”

 

“Hey gang,” Nursey says, as Jordan returns to hitting her choreography around her brother to annoy him, get his attention, or both. Sebastian glances at her and shakes his head as he returns to his laptop. “You are so goofy and embarrassing.”

 

“I just had the best idea,” she announces, sidling up to him.

 

Sebastian looks at his sister again and acts bored. “What?”

 

“Do you want to do Twin Time?”

 

Her brother’s responding eye roll is pointed, thorough and elaborate. “Jojo, Twin Time was when we were like five years old.”

 

“No, we did it in middle school.”

 

“Still.”

 

“Aw, come on! Don’t you want to wear the matching pajamas Grandma Sharon sent us?”

 

“I definitely don’t want to wear the matching pajamas Grandma Sharon sent us.”

 

“Well, do you want to watch The Harkening movies?”

 

“Only the-”

 

“Yeah, I know, only the first two ‘cause the others are trash.”

 

“Are you gonna be annoying and talk through the movies like you always do?”

 

“ _Obviously_ , Sebby.”

 

As Derek watches Sebastian silently simulate deliberation, he’s pleased to see that his talk with Jordan was successful. He’d spoken to her about the importance of making time for her friends now that she had a boyfriend, and he’s glad she was able to understand his meaning. Nursey observes his daughter with a swell of pride at the thoughtfulness and consideration she pours into everything she does, from her recitals to her relationships.

At this point, Nursey and Jordy both know that this is the type of activity that Sebastian has been chomping at the bit for recently, but since he’s a carbon copy of his father, the performance of irritation and disinterest continues.

 

“Fine,” he agrees, crossing his arms and pretending to relent.  

 

Jordan beams at her twin, then turns to her father. “Can we order pizza?"

 

“Sure,” Nursey agrees, opening up his wallet and handing them his card before he can think about it.

 

“Perfect,” Jordy says, plucking the card from his hands as she turns back to Bash. “And don’t start, ‘cause we’re getting pepperoni from Damiano’s.”

 

“Wrong,” Sebastian argues, as he snatches the card from her hand and walks out of the kitchen. “We’re getting sausage pizza from Reggie’s.”

 

“Oh my _God_ ,” she protests, following him into the living room. “Why do you love Reggie’s so much when they make the _worst_ pizza in the _world_?”

 

Just as the twins walk out, Dex walks in. “Hey.”

 

“Hey,” Nursey greets, belatedly noticing the food in the oven. “Don’t be mad, but we’re going to have a decent amount of leftovers because I told the kids they could order pizza.”

 

“Derek, I left the kitchen for five minutes. That _has_ to be a record for you.”

 

Nursey chuckles as he brings Dex into a kiss, and Jordan comes back into the kitchen. Dex turns his head towards her. “Hey, Jo?”

 

She looks up from where she’s unplugging her phone charger. “Yeah?”

 

“For the Memorial Day barbecue...you should invite Danny.”

 

A silence falls upon the room as Nursey and Jordan develop identical expressions of shock. Memorial Day weekend is when Jack and Bitty come up from Providence, Chowder and Farmer come from Philadelphia, Shitty and Lardo come up from D.C., and Ransom and Holster come from Toronto. Everyone brings their teenagers so the kids get to see all their ‘cousins’, and it’s a weekend that is enormously and profoundly important to Dex. The significance of the invite is clearly, evidently impressed upon their daughter. “Really?”

 

“Yeah,” Dex nods, mustering a half-grin. “Tell him we’d love to have him.”

 

Jordan smiles from ear to ear, elation shining through every feature. “Thanks, Daddy.”

 

“Sure thing, honey.”

 

She grins at them again and goes back to join her brother in the living room.

 

“That was a very big move,” Nursey commends, wrapping his arms around Dex’s waist. “I respect and admire you.”

 

Dex looks at him, and Nursey can barely stand to see him when his gaze is this soft. “Thank you.”

 

“How was your day?”

 

“Really good, really productive. How was your day?”

 

“Great. The HBO thing is moving along and it looks like we’re on track for next summer. It’s pretty exciting.”

 

“Perfect segue into what I wanted to bring up,” Dex says, slightly tightening his hold around Nursey. “I need you to clear your schedule for the last weekend in June.”

 

An eyebrow perks up. “For what?”

 

“We’re going to New York.”

 

Nursey takes a moment to try and remember any anniversaries or birthdays, but there aren’t any until the fall. “What’s the occasion?”

 

Dex brings a hand up to his jaw, and speaks softly. "You." 

 

Nursey's surprised, seeking to understand his meaning as Dex continues. “I want to really celebrate the show because looking back I don’t know if I celebrated the book enough or told you enough how proud I am...You're incredible. You're an amazing father and an amazing husband and this beautiful family and life we have wouldn’t be what it is without you. You make me better, you hold us together, you’re the love of my life, and…I don’t know if I…tell you that, or show you that enough.”

 

Nursey stares at him, impossibly more in love than he’s ever been. “You do.”

 

“Well, just in case, I guess.”

 

“I love you.”

 

“I love you,” Dex responds. “More than anything.”

 

As the news of their upcoming trip starts to process, his excitement grows and he practically starts babbling. “So, where are we staying? What are we doing?”

 

“I want to keep most of it a surprise,” Dex smirks, coy. “But it’s a very nice hotel in Midtown and that Saturday night we have tickets to a very buzzed about show on Broadway, which is why we have to have dinner either early or late.”

 

“Do we have reservations anywhere?”

 

“Not yet, because you’re going to pick where we eat all weekend.”

 

“Perfect,” Nursey answers, before kissing him, heart full of gratitude and warmth.

 

Derek gets his laptop from his bag, sets up shop next to Dex, and starts looking up restaurants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nursey: You know Jordan is growing up and she's almost an adult.  
> Dex, internally: -feels like Jordan just got a training bra, feels like he just taught her how to ride a bike, feels like she just lost her first tooth, feels like it's 3 am in the nursery and he's singing Here Comes The Sun to get her to go back to sleep but terrified she'll stop breathing in the crib, so in no real hurry to get her out of his arms-  
> Dex, externally: I /clearly/ and /obviously/ know that, Nurse. 
> 
>  


End file.
